The best laid Pog Plans…

Posted on October 19, 2011 by thepogblog

I have had a hideous day. I was up at 4.30am, left for work at 5,30am and got home…at 9.30pm. The pay off for throwing myself out of bed at 4.30am is that I am usually home by 5.30pm. And the reason I do this is so that I still have time to do something with my evening, but mostly it is because I HATE, HATE, HATE rush hour on the tube and train. Crowded places fill be with dread. I’d rather eat my own eyeballs (and I’ve never been a fan of offal).

Anyway, at 6pm today I was still in the office, promising that I’d log on as soon as I got home to do the-terriby-important-thing-that had-to-be-done-today-but-STILL-wasn’t-ready. That meant I had to leave and get across London and to Bumpkinsville in rush hour. I turned into a coward, and decided I couldn’t face the tube and that I would walk to London Bridge.

Now, the problem with this plan was that I’d never walked the route before and I have absolutely no sense of direction (I once attempted to drive from Somerset to Kent. I ended up in Cornwall). I was not going to be defeated though – oh no. I got verbal directions, directions pointed out on a map, directions sent to me in words and lines drawn on a map. I also took notes and wrote them on the back of my hand.

I got lost. Of course I did. Only once though, and I found a terribly nice gentleman to point me the right way. I also got a stitch, a twisted ankle and a lot of funny looks (to ward off the panic I tried to walk to the beat of each track on Florence and the Machine’s album while avoiding the lines on the pavement. Thinking about it now, maybe that was one of the contributing factors to getting lost…)

I made it to the station eventually though, very happy that I’d avoided the crowds. I waited a very cold 40 minutes for my train which pulled in…absolutely packed. Grrrr.

Oh well, I’m home now…and that terribly-important-thing-that had-to-be-done-today? Now here’s a surprise…it’s not ready! So it will be a repeat performance of that side of things tomorrow. Only tomorrow I’m staying put at Pog Towers.  I’m not going through all that again -it will be a lot less stressful from my sofa :o)

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Pub Crawling Country Bumpkinsville Style

Posted on October 17, 2011 by thepogblog

Last Friday I did a weird pub crawl in the village next to Bumpkinsville.  This was the brain child of Cycling Friend who seems to have set himself a personal goal of visiting every pub in the county, possibly country.

The village next to Bumpkinsville has a slightly startling 5 pubs.  This is startling because the high street they’re on is about 20 strides long.  My only experience of these pubs were that I worked in one over 15 years ago and once briefly ended up in another accidently (and experienced a beer festival and morris dancing both occurring simultaneously in the back yard which wasn’t much more than 6ft by 6ft). 

The first pub we visited (where I had pulled pints years back) had once been a proper Olde Worlde village pub.  Since then someone had decided to decorate.  Out were the lovely old rickety tables and chairs and in was a wall length banquette with scatter cushions so liberally spread that sitting on it was uncomfortable, if not, impossible.  Word must have got round about the uncomfortable seating.  It was dead.  Having been told that I’d once worked there and having had a struggle with getting the bar boy to understand our order, Cycling Friend wondered aloud if they had ‘a policy of employing special people’.  Thanks for that.

The next pub was part of a chain.  There were more people in there eating than could be living in the entire village.  There was one table spare with dirty plates but no people.  I moved the dirty plates, sat down and promptly settled my hand in a small pool of gravy…  We just had the one there before moving in to the REAL Country Bumpkin pub.

Many years ago, even before I pulled pints at pub number 1, I was a student nurse (a terrifying thought for anyone who knows me well as my grasp of the human anatomy is probably worse than my geography).  I was based in Somerset and was assigned a Health Visitor to be my mentor.  If where I live now is Country Bumpkinsville, the place she practiced was Country Bumpkinsville with spots on.  The first time I met her she informed me that ‘most problems with the babies down here are due to the inbreeding’.  And it turned out that she really meant it.  I’m pretty sure that most of the people in pub number three must have been her patients at some time.  It was….weird in there.  Despite the fact that I felt a little like I was observing the outcome of a strange genetics experiment, I liked it.  Especially when my Cycling Friend, who is usually very clever and sensible,  wondered aloud why anyone would come to the pub in a suit of armour.    Obviously, there was nobody inside the armour – and just as obviously, Cycling Friend was drunk.

The last pub was not much to write home about.  It was also dead so we did drunken quiet talking.  They could probably hear us next door… 

If you want an alternative to a fancy bar with beautiful people though, I can confirm that a Country Bumpkinsville pub crawl is a good giggle.  Look out for those blokes that go out dressed in a full suit of armour though…;o)          

Lovely Country Bumpkinsville

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Magical Mystical shorts – the beginning

Posted on October 16, 2011 by thepogblog

Finally the Magical Mystical shorts turned up on Friday (they ‘got lost’ the first time and had to be resent.)  They came with a manual(!) which stated that they ‘work hard to reduce your body fat and the visible appearance of cellulite.  Lose 2 Jean sizes in 2 weeks’.

I couldn’t wait to get started and there was almost a spring in my step when I got out of bed on Saturday morning.  (Almost…I had been led astray on Friday night and had pub crawled the weirdest selection of pubs in the village next to Bumpkinsville.  As a result I was not quite ‘as fresh as a daisy’.  More a case of ‘a donkey pooed in my head while I was asleep’).  Anyway, I pulled on the Magical Mystical shorts and any spring that was almost there was squashed.  It was like pulling on half a wetsuit, full of sand.  I walked like a cowboy to retrieve my bike from the shed and started my 10 miles.  Cycling in the equivalent of a sand filled wet suit is slow.  Cycling in the equivalent of a sand filled wetsuit that supposedly achieves its aim by ‘increasing your perspiration by up to 80%’ with a hangover is hideous.  I swear it was only a matter of minutes before I was directly sweating the white wine spritzers and vodka of the night before.  I could smell the alcohol.  It was not good.

So it was hot, sweaty, and hard work.  This morning I thought I’d repeat the process, just without the hangover.  I even pumped up the bikes tyres and oiled the chain in the hope that would make things a little smoother.  It didn’t (Although I wasn’t quite so dehydrated when I got home today).

I’m not giving up though – I’ll keep wearing them, keep taking my measurements and keep you informed.  And if they’ve not kept their promise, I’ll be writing a strongly worded letter to the company in a fortnight :o)

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Pog Ponderings

Posted on October 12, 2011 by thepogblog

These are some of the things I have pondered so far this week:

1)  If anyone else were to buy a dress a size too small, try it on ‘just to check’ and get stuck in it, would anyone else be stupid enough to try the same thing the next evening?  No?  Just me then…

A floss thing - just so you could see what I meant...

2)  If anyone else were to manage to get a flossing pick thing stuck between two back teeth, would they get into a sweaty panic while they tried to extract it at the same time as imagining a life with a small lump of plastic protruding from their mouth for the foreseeable future?  And when they did finally manage to remove it, would they try it again, straight away?  No?  Just me again then…

3) Is it a coincidence that I mention searches on the Pog blog and a few days later, this is one turns up?  (And on this one, no, definitely not me…!)

I have to admit though…it did make me laugh :o)

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A helpful helpdesk!

Posted on October 10, 2011 by thepogblog

Earlier today weird things were happening with my phone.  I did what I do with all technology.  I turned it off, turned it on again and…still weird things.  I carried out the ‘fix’ a few more times, but no change.

So with gritted teeth I called the help line.  ‘Due to an exceptionally high volume of calls’ the lady with the lovely voice informed me that ‘my call would be answered in the next 5 minutes’.

 And it was.

And as a result of the call I am now stunned.  Shocked to the core.  They were….helpful!  True, I was clearly speaking to someone in Outer Mongolia (or wherever it the ‘in’ place for call centers at the moment – no offence meant to any Outer Mongolians) rather than a local neighbour of the lovely lady, but he was SO enthusiastic in his desire to help me.

‘Could I have the first two letters of your security password please?’

He was clearly delighted that I remembered – he actually congratulated me.  I felt like I should suggest an impromptu party.  I managed to resist the urge and just as well…I failed the next question.

‘What handset do you have?’

I know I have a Nokia, but the four digits written on the inside of it are four digits that I have so far got through life without memorising.  And as I was on the handset that needed taking apart to find the numbers, I couldn’t offer them to my friendly Outer Mongolian.  It was ok.  It was no problem.  By magic telepathy (my records I assume) he found the detail himself.  And informed me that:

‘I am doing my best to help you in all situations’

(those were the exact words…I wrote them down so I didn’t forget).  Using further magic, he tested my phone.  10 seconds later he told me it was indeed, a sick phone. 

Oh god…now I would have to jump through hoops to get a new phone that it would take me 3 weeks to learn to use and turn me into a stressed and grumpy thing.  But no, I had not encountered a customer service representative of this ilk before.

‘We will send you a new mobile straight away’

‘I don’t want a new model though….’

‘No problem at all.  I will send you the same make and model’

‘I’m only at my house tomorrow…’

‘It will arrive tomorrow then.  What would your preferred delivery time be?’

‘I don’t know how to move all my contacts onto my Sim card…’

‘I’ll call you straight back on your land line and talk you through it now.  I am doing my best to help you in all situations.’

I couldn’t argue with the statement.  Although I did wonder if by this stage he was muttering it through gritted teeth…

30 minutes later called me back – as he said he would – to confirm that I was still happy with the solution and if I had an further questions.  He finished as enthusiastically as he started.

‘I hope you are very happy with my assistance’

‘I certainly am very happy with your assistance.  Thank you.’  I said.

And about 10 minutes ago, all the weirdness on my phone stopped.  It seems to have fixed itself.  But there is no way I am calling my Outer Mongolian friend back to tell him.  It would be like bursting a small child’s balloon.  And at the moment I think he is probably all puffed up and smiley that tonight he has indeed done his best to ‘help me in all situations.’

:o)

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A few technicalities…and a few weirdos

Posted on October 6, 2011 by thepogblog

I’m not terribly technical.  I frequently have issues turning on my laptop (quite scary when you consider I’ve worked in a technology type industry for over 10 years…)  I’m rather in awe of technology.  Even if I learn to use it, I’ll never understand how it works.

Like the special things I can do ‘behind the scenes’ in this blog.  I just do not get how they work.  But they do, and very entertaining they can be too.  I can see how many of you look at the blog each day, what pages you look at and where you have come from.

What is really entertaining though is that I can see what searches people have done on, say, Google, that somehow land them on my site.

A search on ‘the pog blog’ makes complete sense, but there are others which 1) I can’t work out how they link to the blog in any way, shape or form and 2) I can’t work out why anyone would do that particular search in the first place.

To show you, I took a snapshot last week.  See what you think…

 I mean ‘wrestling in shiny lycra’?  Who would do that sort of search…?  Erm, actually.  I don’t want to know, thank you very much.

:o)

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Bumpkinsville, bikes, and baking

Posted on October 4, 2011 by thepogblog

On Sunday I thought it would be nice to take my camera cycling so you could see Bumpkinsville for yourself.

I took a photo so you could see I really was on the bike:

 

I took one at Bumpkinsville central:

I took one of my favourite view where I always take a breather and get a bit of perspective:

And then it all got a bit food orientated….I found this:

 

Note:  It is just possible to get 1lb of walnuts in your back pocket.  It does get you a few odd looks though.

And then I saw a little old man setting this up:

Don’t worry – I didn’t stick them down my shorts or anything daft – I went back for some when I was in the car later on.  

And today I had a teleconference that I was dreading.  I was so twitchy I decided that to be able to listen properly I had to do something rather than stare into space.  So I peeled the apples I picked up on Sunday and made a rather delicious batch of apple, sultana and cinnamon low fat Pog’s Genius Muffins.

A sunny bike ride, free food and lovely muffins.  Not bad, is it? :o)

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A day of toastiness, dead flip flops and dinosaurs

Posted on October 2, 2011 by thepogblog

Quite toasty it was today in Bumpkinsville.  I wanted to get some sewing done though, so what to do?  I didn’t want to miss the last lovely weekend of the year so…

 …I set up outside…

Al fresco sewing

 …in direct sunlight.  Where it got more than a little toasty…

that's 43.6c!

I think it may have affected my brain as I didn’t notice this innocent Monster snacking on my flip flop.

Innocence...with big ears and a squashed nose

Which Sister 2 ‘fixed’ for me:

Obviously it is the left one in this picture that had the Sister 2 treatment

So I now have one fully functioning flip flop and one that is dead.  On the other hand, before the flip flop murder, I made these:

Pog-o-sauruses

 Quite pleased with them, I am :o)

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The Power of Magical Mystical Shorts

Posted on September 30, 2011 by thepogblog

You may have noticed that the unfatness plan has fallen by the wayside somewhat.  The gallstones introduced a lower fat diet.  This was A Good Thing.  I lost quite a bit of weight.  But it’s started creeping back on (it was easy to stick to when low fat was all that was between me and agonising pain – not so easy when if I have too much chocolate I just feel a bit pants).  So I’m back on the bike – I’ve cycled 50 miles in the last week and am generally making more of an effort.

A big old chicken! Just cos I can :o)

But… I was being aware of This Morning, this morning (being aware is having the tv on but not actively watching it because you are a) working too hard to pay it proper attention and b) it’s day time tv – giving it full attention is a complete waste of your time).  So, I was working from home, and being aware of This Morning and my ears pricked up.  They spoke of magical mystical shorts that make you lose 2 jeans sizes in only two weeks AND reduce your cellulite.  They sounded nothing short of miraculous.  All you had to do was wear them three times a week when you did a 30 minute work out.  Well, I do more than 3x 30 minutes a week.  ‘I can do this!’ I thought ‘I will fit in my thin jeans once more!’

Now, I am no fool.  I NEVER buy on impulse.  I research.  I check prices.  I check independent reviews.  However, this morning, my sensible brain must have started the weekend early.  I looked up the name of the shorts and…I parted with enough money to buy most of a winter wardrobe from Primark.

Of course, I will let you know how I get on with the magical mystical shorts.  Because frankly I will be stunned if they work.  But very humphy if they don’t do anything at all.  I will be drawing the line at before and after photos though.  I don’t want to scare you away…

:o)

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SUCH an animal!

Posted on September 26, 2011 by thepogblog

Norman cat is an animal.  Well, obviously he is an animal, but I mean he is an ANIMAL.  The vet may have been right when she speculated at about 10 weeks old that he might grow into a panther one day.

My reasons for this thinking?  Well, aside from the growling at me when he brings in his

The ferocious animal himself

most recent catch and the growling at the postman (do any other cats do that?!) he’s become obsessed with food.  Not content with the biscuits in his bowl, he has taken to knocking over the box (of the same biscuits) and helping himself.  

Last week I had two bagels in my work bag.  He managed to liberate them from that bag, then from the carrier bag and the bakery bag they were in.  I caught him at the point where he was doing a very good job of killing them – before he munched through half of each one (well, it seemed daft trying to wrestle them off him – his growling is rather ferocious).  He now checks all bags left within his reach…

And then there was Saturday.  I was having chicken chow mien and a glass of wine and (very stupidly) wandered away from it.  I returned to find Norman cat snaffling the food rapidly followed by a slurp of Pinot!

Earlier this evening a neighbour came over asking if I’d seen her missing cat.  It’s the second neighbour in the past month to lose her furball.  And Charlie went a-wandering for 4 days a couple of weeks back.  We speculated that maybe someone is ‘taking in’ passing cats.  Maybe there is an upside to Norman cats’ animal tendancies – he’s never stayed away for more than a few hours so maybe he is too much of an animal for the cat-knapper.

:o)

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