A touch of Bumpkinsville

Posted on September 25, 2011 by thepogblog

I’ve had rather a busy weekend…but now I’m capable of cycling again, I thought I should try to fit in a bike ride. So at 8.30am I was donning my lovely lycra and peddling round the village. And suddenly I felt like I’d slipped into Midsomer murders (without the body count issue though…although I did investigate the mystery of the disappearing cows on Saturday – and solved it). Anyway, what I mean is that there was a proper village atmosphere going on…

People walking back from picking up their papers ‘Good morninged me’. Pest Control man cheerily shouted hello as I passed him on his morning stroll round the village. Some neighbours tooted as they drove past and I was waved at by all 5 of them. Chris-with-the-two-dogs shouted hi and to top it off, my next door neighbour when I was 5 cycled past and we did the cyclist nod-wave (something to be done to all cyclists as you pass whether you know them or not. Not returning a nod-wave is, in my book, rudeness of a very unnecessary kind).

Combined with the sun, sheep, and shiny conkers it was a lovely Country Bumpkinsville start to the day indeed.

Then I went a spent the rest of the day in a cellar. I’ll explain that one later in the week…

:o)

A Bumpkinsville sunset

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Herds of them… crowds of them…

Posted on September 21, 2011 by thepogblog

There are ulcers in my mouth.  Loads of them.  This means that I’m either about to be full of cold or I’m stressed (I know, highly unlikely).

Anyway, whatever the reason, the ulcers have set up camp and I am unimpressed.  I have them at the back of my throat so swallowing hurts.  I have them on my tongue so I can’t taste much, and I have one bugger on the inside of my lip that catches on my tooth if I attempt a smile or conversation. 

This isn’t that rare for me and last time I was at the dentist I was given some fantabulous new treatment to try.  So last night I tried it.  The fact that there was a strong whiff of fertiliser as I opened it should have given me a bit of a warning.  The promise that ‘one application would kill all pain’ another.  But no.  I read the somewhat convoluted instructions.  They were similar to those provided with Ikea flat pack furniture….  ‘turn clockwise three times while standing on one leg and open pack 1.  Identify piece A and connect with item B.  Utilise piece C whilst hopping on the other leg and rotate anti clockwise.’  I did the man thing and  I threw the instructions in the bin.  Then I opened the package to reveal a cotton bud that looked like it was full of radioactive fluid and rubbed it over the evil ulcer that was hindering smiling and talking.

I nearly shot through the ceiling in pain.  I did the Dance-of-Disgusting-Medicine.  You know the one?  That one where you race around like a 5 year old with your tongue hanging out.  I can only assume that this fantabulous new ulcer treatment is in fact, acid.  It certainly burnt off part of the inside of my mouth…although I have to admit, it did what it promised.  I can no longer feel my ulcer.  I can’t feel much of the inside of my lip.  Needless to say, I didn’t attempt an application on my tongue ulcers, or the ones at the back of my throat.  I’m not sure 3rd degree burns to the inside of my entire mouth would have been an improvement on the current situation. 

On the upside…nope, can’t think of one.  Except that they’re only ulcers…and they might hurt, but it is A LOT less than the pain of gall stones :o)

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Are you concentrating?

Posted on September 19, 2011 by thepogblog

As I’ve said before, I used to listen to Radio 1.  I went off it somewhat though when a dj mentioned INXS and then said ‘if you’ve not heard of INXS ask your parents who they were’.  It dawned on me then that I probably wasn’t their target audience.  So now I’m more Radio 4 than 1.  Only it involves a little more concentration.

I now get eased into waking up rather than screamed at.  My morning starts with the World Service, continues onto the news, and then the shipping forecast.  I start driving just in time to hear ‘Prayer for the Day’ (do they really get vicars in for those 2 minutes?  And do they wear their collars?), and then it’s Farming Today.  Then I am most of the way to the station, have started working out my work and meetings for the day and only get a few random bits, such as:

  • Beep, beep, beep…and the time is now 4am.  (This confuses me every morning at 5am.  It takes a good 10 seconds to remember that they’re on GMT and we’re on BST.)
  • How long it will be before anyone creates a test tube rhino remains to be seen
  • The lovely thing about finding an apple is that you can name it
  • Chickens have been known to suffer from hysteria
  • And then there is the shipping forecast.  One mention of Mull of Kintyre and I’m singing Christmas carols…

And if anyone caught more of the rhino / test tube programme, feel free to enlighten me!  :o)

nothing to do with the words, but I took this at the weekend and thought it was quite smiley :o)

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A night out with The Girls

Posted on September 16, 2011 by thepogblog

I think, I hope, last night was the start of a bit of a new era.  I went out with The Girls.  Not a herd of them, just two lovely friends who I really don’t see often enough.  Both are gorgeous, intelligent, single women who are happy with how things are and are generally having a great time.  A rare breed indeed.

We shared a bottle of wine (Pinot Grigio) a selection of Thai dishes (Phad Thai, Green chicken curry, a porky thing), our views on small children (best in small doses) and our thoughts on a varied selection of men (I’m not even going there).  Sex in the City has nothing on us (mainly because I’ve never watched an episode and only seen half a film so I’ve not really got a clue).

I think we also managed to scare other diners when we all ended up crying with laughter over a few stories (One being the conversation I recounted that my parents had recently.  We were at Sister 1s house and dad commented how warm her French Bulldog was:

A Morning Glory *snigger*

Dad: You could do with one in each pocket when you’re gardening to keep your hands warm

Mum:  I could just use a muff

Me: I don’t think you mean a muff

Sister 2:  That’s another word for your vagina mum

Dad (apparently oblivious): Yes, you could use a muff

Mum:  I wouldn’t get much gardening done if they were stuck up there though would I?)

 Anyway, The Girls and I drank, we ate, we talked, we laughed, we cried (with laughter) and we decided to go to Las Vegas next May…as you do.  And now it’s here in black and white Girls, so we’d better get planning!

I don’t spend enough time with girl friends.  I love the utter conviction girls have in each other.  You want to change jobs?  Go for it, you’ll be great.  You want to take a year off and travel around Australia?  Do it now!  Fancy flying to the moon this afternoon?  Really can’t see an issue with that… Last night made me realise how important time with friends is.  Thank you to The Girls for a great night and roll on May!

:o)

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Sunday morning lycra entertainment

Posted on September 11, 2011 by thepogblog

At 6.45am this morning I was sitting in a cold marquee waiting for lots of men (and a very small number of ladies) in lycra.  It was the Kent Cyclo Sportive – an event to raise money for charity which involves around 800 people cycling 50 or 100 miles around the countryside.  Last year I cycled and loved it.  This year, funnily enough, I couldn’t get the training in so I offered to help instead.  I was allocated sign on duties.

It all started off in a rather boring manner…

‘Good morning, what’s your name?  Could you read the waiver and sign against your name you understand?  Just here?  That’s it.  And here’s your pack with your timer and number to put on your handle bars.  Have a good ride!’ All accompanied by a cheerful slightly forced smile.

I was bored, they were bored, so I changed the patter somewhat…

‘Good morning, do you have a name?  And what a lovely name that is.  Could you have a little look at this? *pointing at waiver*  Sorry, we did have two but someone liked it so much they stole it (and really, they had).  Happy?  Lovely.  Could you sign against your name to confirm that you are a very happy bunny?  Wonderful.  And here’s your pack.  Put your thingy on your whatsit and you’re ready to go.’

Conversations were started, daftness occurred.  Far more fun.  I feel a bit bad about the bloke who asked where the toilets were.  I told him there weren’t any and that he had to cross his legs.  Bless him, he walked away looking slightly panicked and I had to run after him to point him in the right direction (well, I didn’t think he’d believe me!). 

The most entertaining part though, was when the ladies the table next to me (and we’re talking 60 plus, not early teens here) almost slipped of their chairs in hysterics.  The reason?  We’d already noted that the tables were at a slightly unfortunate height.  The sort of height where, should a grown man stand the other side, his bits and pieces would be peering over the top.  Should the man be wearing lycra you almost had to look.  A man had just signed on at their table with, we could only assume, had a lot of padding integrated into his shorts.  This had made them smirk somewhat but then they’d asked his name…you couldn’t make it up….the gentleman in question was called Mr Allcock.

:o) 

I honestly meant to take a picture of wheels and legs...oops!

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An Elderly Pog?

Posted on September 8, 2011 by thepogblog

You know those days where you have worked really hard and feel like you’ve accomplished a lot (even if none of it was on your to do list)?  And you know how it makes you feel a bit weary but quite good about yourself at the same time?  Well I had one of those days today.  I was about to leave the office feeling knackered but content, and then I stupidly opened my mouth.

A young child (ok, he’s 21) has recently started in the office and, as I packed up, I asked him if he had any plans for the weekend.  I actually knew his plans as he’s spent the last few days calling most of his mates to set the weekend up.  And he’s not mastered talking quietly on the phone.  I’d be surprised if the floor below us didn’t know what he’s doing at the weekend to be honest.  Anyway, he proudly informed me that he was off to Bestival (a music festival on theIsle of Wight).  I was suitably impressed and made all the right noises.  The boy has manners bless him, and returned the question.  I informed him I would be helping my dad lay a carpet and possibly going to a craft fair.  He looked stunned. 

‘How old are you?’

‘35’

‘Oh.  My.  God’ I turned round to see if something terrible had happened behind me, but no, he continued… ‘I can’t imagine ever being that old’.

He was practically shaking his head in wonder. 

And I was no longer knackered and content.  I was knackered and feeling positively elderly.

QUACK!

But I’m not the one camping and sharing portaloos this weekend.  Old I might be.  But dry and warm I’ll definitely be :o)

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Do I get candles?

Posted on September 7, 2011 by thepogblog

Today is my Blogiversary.  My Blogday.  My Blogbirthday.  Whatever it’s called it’s been a year since my first post.  Lordy.

When I set the blog up I wrote: 

There’s not enough smiling out there.  It’s been said that I can make people smile (usually accidentally rather than intentionally) so I thought I’d try a new way to spread a smile.  No airs, no graces, no pretentions.  Just hopefully a :o)

I hope I have succeeded.  It’s certainly made me more positive as I spend time trying to find smiles in situations that have usually made me humphy.

In the last year I’ve:

I’ve done a few other things too…pole dancing, water aerobics, acquiring a gorgeous godson…

Who knows what the next year holds, but watch this space and I’ll keep trying to make you smile.  Thank you for reading up to now, it would be rather a pointless, pants Pog Blog without you :o)x

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The joys of wfh (working from home)

Posted on September 6, 2011 by thepogblog

I was only thinking the other day how I must be growing up.  Moments of daftness have been getting few and far between of late.  I took this to be A Good Thing.  I spoke too soon though.  I have had kitchen based disasters today. 

I got up early to make a good head start on work (Tuesday being a lovely working from home day for me).  I turned on all the lights (it was still dark) logged onto the laptop, turned on the tv (for background noise only, honest), popped a load of washing on and went through my e-mails.  A short while later I needed breakfast so I turned on the kettle, popped a bagel in the toaster and…there was a pop and everything went dark and quiet.  I’m proud to say I realised that the thingy had tripped and I sorted it in record time (last time I assumed that I’d had a power cut and sat twiddling my thumbs for a good hour before I saw the lights on in the house opposite).  A few e-mails later I decided to try the toaster again in case it had fixed itself.  Predictably, another blackout ensued and I resorted to using the grill for the bagel.

Lunch time. I had settled on a pork, apple sauce, mushroom and cheese sarnie (I couldn’t make up my mind on the fillings so I went for them all).  I have those salt and pepper things that stick to the oven hood-thingy with a magnet.  While I was cooking the mushrooms, the pepper decided to drop in.  The magnet separated from the pepper thing and buried itself in the mushrooms.  It took rather a long time to find it…but I did, and I balanced it all back together and left it on the work top.

Dinner time.  Scrambled egg on toast (well I did have that huge sarnie at lunch).  I impressed myself by remembering not to use the toaster.  Sadly I forgot about the pepper and half way through microwaving my eggs I popped the pepper in.  Along with the magnet.  It turns out that it is MUCH harder to locate a small magnet in half cooked scrambled eggs than in mushrooms.  I stirred with a fork.  I decanted into another bowl.  I poured the mixture through the fork.  I even got the sieve out and sieved it.  (Bad idea – it’s a right bugger to wash partially cooked egg out the holes).  I thought about just putting it back in the microwave but didn’t want to lose another kitchen appliance.  Instead I searched the work surface, the floor…I even pulled the cooker out.  Have you guessed yet?  Yup, it had stuck itself to the back of the fork.  Grrrr.

I’m slightly relieved I’ll be in the office tomorrow.  At least I won’t have to play with fuse boxes, break any kitchen appliances or get magnets in my lunch… :o)

Norman just wasn't interested...

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A cellar, some seniles and sunday bacon sarnies

Posted on September 4, 2011 by thepogblog

I’ve spent most of the weekend at my parents (the Old Seniles).  The aim was to be helpful.  The result was that I caused quite a lot of chaos and ate them out of house and home (they have full fat cheese, home made muffins and they make bacon sarnies for lunch on a Sunday.  It would have been plain daft to refuse…).

The Old Seniles have a cellar that’s been used as a dumping ground for the 2 years they have lived there and for, I image, a few decades before that.  Last weekend, the idea of ‘getting it to a reasonable state’ didn’t seem too difficult.  That was before I realised that you actually had to wear a mask if you went down there for any length of time to clean…  I’d also not anticipated the obligatory Guantanamo Bay overalls.

we both smiled for the camera...

I think I was a bit tired by the time we reached to the painting stage.  I picked up a full tray using one corner and just watched as the contents poured out of the tray onto the floor.  Dad made sure future residents will know who is to blame though…

oops

 It wasn’t just me afflicated by daftness though – Mum was attempting to read something and, after a while, started complaining about her glasses.

‘Useless  – can’t see a thing with them’.

‘That’s because they’re my glasses mum’.

I may not have been hugely helpful, but between us we got a hell of a lot done.  And it’s more fun listening to Gardeners Question time with mum adding in little thoughts of her own.  Fantastic tip on there today about how to stop slugs and other pesties making holes in your potatoes.  Oh God.  I spent too long there.  I think I may have become an Old Senile myself… :o)

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A bit of Grr-ing

Posted on August 31, 2011 by thepogblog

Well, obviously after declaring to you all that a fairy had replaced the gremlin that looks over me, the fairy promptly wandered off.  Really promptly.  I posted the last blog entry and there was a loud miaow from outside.  Norman cat had thrown himself into the clematis and got stuck.  As he freed himself he landed on my only tomato plant which had just discovered its purpose was to provide me with tomatoes…and broke off half the plant in the process.  Grrr. 

½ hour later there was another massive crash and Charlie cat rushed in.  Charlie, it seemed, had climbed onto the shelves in the garden where all my plant pots are and pushed two off which had smashed along with the clay sunflower I bought back from my holiday to replace the one that broke last year.  Double grrr.

Then it was 4.30am yesterday morning and my alarm was going off.  And do you know?  At that time of the morning, solar powered garden lights are still on…somehow that makes it seem worse.  Grrr again.

And by the time I got home last night I was so cream crackered by the early start and a days work that I was actually went to bed at 5.30pm.  I don’t think I’ve done that for around 33 years. I could hear the kids in the street still playing outside as I drifted off!

This blog is meant to be positive though, so:

  • At least I have half a tomato plant left
  • A pretty clay sunflower and a couple of garden pots are not the most precious things I own so it’s not the end of the world they are in pieces
  • Going into work I got to see some of my lovely friends who I’d missed while I was off
  • And I’ve made it awake until past 8pm tonight

And now I’m off for a hot chocolate before bed :o)

the scene of much destruction...

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