This is the scariest blog I have ever written, but there are a few reasons for sitting here feeling sick while I try to work out how to start… Maybe I should just plough straight in.
This is me how I usually look:
(I know, I just broke my own rule of no faces on here, but it would be hard to do this with out mine!)
And with my hair down (this never happens in public for reasons that are about to become clear):
For about 23 years I’ve had a ‘thingy’ called trichotillomania. It basically means that (even though I hate it) I pull out my hair. It’s worse when I am stressed but a lot is habit, in my view. I have tried EVERYTHING to stop, from doctors, diets, right up to elastoplasting my finger tips so that I couldn’t grip my hair. The longest I’ve ever managed to stop for is a few months. People close to me know, as do those who have known me a long time (- when you wear a hat for two years solid it does somewhat give the game away!) I try to hide it from everyone else.
In the last few months it has got really, really bad, to the point that I need a multiway comb over to leave the house…and that takes a lot of time. It also means that wind and rain terrify me in case the usual ½ can of hair spray doesn’t hold out. Doctors and people view it as something that’s not serious as it doesn’t actually harm you and all that was left as an option is to take tablets (I’ve tried this too…it works, but means that I can’t function much myself, which isn’t a great long term solution). I’ve not been too keen on leaving the house for a while as a result.
This is what ‘really, really bad’ looks like for me:
So a few months ago I hatched a plan. I ran it past my family and, knowing how hard I have tried for so long to stop, they said they didn’t actually think it was that daft.
This was my plan:
I’ve shaved my hair in the past but I’d let it grow back straight away, only giving myself a few weeks to break the habit. Maybe if I shaved it and kept it shaved long enough (4-5 months) I could break the habit? Only last time I did this I was in my early 20s at uni….it was ok then. Not so ok when you work in a professional office (and already struggle to fit in with the ‘professional’ part.) So I’d buy a wig.
And that’s essentially what I have done. Yesterday mum and I went to a special wig shop, met the most amazing ladies in there and we walked out with Bradley (Bradley Wiggins, get it?) This morning Sister 2 came over and we bunched up what was left of my hair, cut it off and I’m posting it to ‘Little Princess Trust’ – a place you can donate your hair to be turned into real hair wigs for children who have lost their hair.
We then got the clippers out and, um…did this:
So the reasons I’m writing this? Firstly, I’d like to introduce you to Bradley:
I have a feeling he may feature in the blog occasionally going forward.
Secondly, because I am fed up with keeping this a secret other than talking in hushed voices to the chosen few. This is part of me, not a great part, but I know I am not the only one out there and maybe this will help others who also have a multiway comb over…
And finally because by telling everyone, it might help me…I can’t hide it now and the fact that people are aware might help me stop.
So my new years resolution is to stop pulling out my hair (hopefully you’d worked that one out by now!) Thank you – you’ve already helped me by reading this. Happy new year to all of you. I hope your 2013 is full of lovely stuff, but especially, lots of smiles :o)