The trying to fit too much in Tuesday

Posted on November 28, 2024 by thepogblog

I was going to tell you how this week Mum wasn’t feeling well when I arrived so I persuaded her to take some tablets, rushed off to Tesco and said I’d be back to wash her and her hair before the Secret Plan Part Two happened.

I was doing battle with the self service scanner when I glanced at my watch and realised I had an hour to finish, drive back, sort mum out, and get her to the community shop.  But I did it.

I was going to tell you how we met a second carer-lady, who mum thought was the first, who was great and Mum loved her. She even let me leave them alone while I went back to the car to make ‘a work call’.

I was going to tell you how I got carried away scooping up leaves outside Mum and Dads house and didn’t hear Dad shouting at me out the toilet window that I was going to be late.

And I wish I’d heard him as I was late to bundle mum in the car and to the hospital to see her doctor.

I was going to tell you about how I managed to get there with 10 minutes to spare to find there were no  parking spots in the disabled car part and the ‘hilarious’ incident where an old, posh biddy in a 4×4 blocked me into the car park because she thought I was about to take a space that she wanted.

I was going to tell you how I may have been feeling a bit fraught by this point and I got out of my car, walked to her window and asked her to move.  And how when she was rude to me, I shouted back.

I was going to tell you about the ‘hilarious’ moment where (now with four minutes to spare), I managed to get Mums wheel chair out the car boot and get the bloody footplates reattached only to discover that in that not-disabled carpark, the pavements had no dippy points, so in desperation I shouted at mum to ‘HOLD ON’, bumped her down at speed, then ran across the forecourt and through the hospital, people parting ways as we zoomed through them, practically landing with a screech.

And I was going to tell you how when we got in to see the doctor (obviously running late.  Obviously), he decided to address Mum directly for the first time by telling her that she ‘might very well have another catastrophic stroke’.  Luckily Mum had no clue what he meant and said that sounded lovely.

And I was going to tell you that after driving 170 miles on Tuesday I got home and Stepson 2 was moving in.

But what I really want to tell you is that that the secret plan was working out and that Mum was looking forward to going out with the lady on her own today, and based on how well they got on I didn’t think it would be long before she could get more involved in Mums care and relieve some of the pressure on Dad and my Sisters. It doesn’t matter how well one day goes though, it can all come undone.  And today Mum refused to see her and I was told to cancel.

And it is SO frustrating as despite everyones best efforts we’ve all overheard Mum telling people how she never goes out or sees anyone or does anything.  So what do you do?

Well, it turns out you rant with your Sisters and lean on particularly lovely friends and hope like hell that something changes.  Because what other options are there?

It was a good, if slightly chaotic Tuesday.  It was a less good Thursday. 😔

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The Secret Plan part two…

Posted on November 21, 2024 by thepogblog

…did not go to plan.  There was a mix up with the agency and we have had to postpone things until next week.  When we will meet a different lady.  And in a true test of Mums awareness, I am going to pass her off as the lady we already met and see what happens.  Hopefully Mum wont realise, the new lady will also be stealth like in her undercover mission and we’ll be (almost) back on track with building up a relationship with the lady so that Mum is comfortable to go out with her alone.

Instead, we did Tesco, made mince pies and spent some time with the knitting of the Tuesday Blanket.  Specifically mum presented me with some knitting where both sides had fallen off the needles and asked me to ‘just quickly fix it’.  I did try, but it wasn’t salvageable to I ended up undoing it.  I handed mum the needles and told her to cast on so she could start again, and that where it all went a little bit peculiar… (You need to watch the video to understand.  Words will not do it justice).

Ultimately though, casting on had disappeared entirely from Mums brain.  I do not knit.  It’s nothing like crochet and my only experience is making a scarf in class 8, aged 10 that ended up being too small to really wear as I was soooooooo slow and an entire term of craft lessons was not enough.  But mum was stressed.  And I figured I had the needles, the wool and access to You Tube.  And people, I can proudly tell you that I can now (just) cast on (still at the same speed as my 10 year old self and the tiny scarf though.) 😁😁😁

It actually ended up being quite funny.  And it dawned on me that Mum has become a mirror.  If I laugh at a situation, she does.  If I am in a bad mood (like when she wouldn’t drink that blimin’ glass of water the other week), she throws that right back at me.  It’s totally reasonable and should be so easy to manage….except it’s not because it relies on putting any and all frustrations away and…you know…life happens.  But I’m hoping that writing this here will remind me to at least do my best to do that.  It’s only Tuesdays, after all.  Hats off to my Dad and the other full time carers I know.  You are all amazing.

Posted in COPD, dementia, family, looking after Mum, memory, muddled life guide, stroke, Tuesday, Tuesday blanket, Tuesday TV | Tagged | 2 Comments

Happy Hedgehogs

Posted on November 15, 2024 by thepogblog

Last month I was so excited about a new crochet pattern I’d found.  (Here).

I can be a bit cocky when it comes to crochet – if I have a pattern I can usually follow it without problems and if I don’t there’s a bit of trial and error but mostly things turn out ok.  These fidget hedgehogs were a whole new thing though – I’ve never crocheted beads into anything –  and it took hours to do, undo, do, undo do and undo until I got to these…:

And I wasn’t overwhelmed by them.  They seemed a bit ‘meh’.

But I popped one in my bag when we left for America (no idea why) and it turned out that as a calming fidget toy when you’re having a five hour delay and are stuck on a boiling hot plane in a self heating long sleeved thermal vest, it’s pretty effective.  I just need to work out a way to…well I’m not really sure.  What do you think?

Maybe I’ll have another go this weekend.  Since these though, I’ve been making Christmas presents and decorations and having small internal panics that it’s all creeping up a bit too fast – there were even Christmas songs playing in Matalan this morning (Urgent storage solutions weer needed.  My life has taken a weird direction recently – you should have seen my excitement over a new hoover!).

For now though, Happy Hedgehogs 🙂

(PS:  Just looked them up on Etsy and they are selling for £15.84 plus postage.  Here’s the link to the pattern if you’d rather perfect making them too 😉 https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1814125963/beaded-fidget-hedgehog-crochet-pattern )

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The start of The Secret Plan Tuesday

Posted on November 14, 2024 by thepogblog

It’s been a few weeks, what with galavanting off to America, and it was a bit like Mum had a holiday too (from me!).  She was nice  🙂 . She didn’t sulk once and she did huge amounts more than usual (which actually wasn’t the best plan, but she refused point blank to use the wheel chair).

But, most excitingly, we started part 1 of The Secret Plan.  That was supposed to start before I went away but didn’t work out.  But this week, there were practically drum rolls and fanfares.

The plan is this:

  • Mum needs a bit more help with day to day stuff and that is only going to increase.
  • Mum needs a bit more to do (she can’t read anymore, knitting causes more problems than it solves, she can’t do puzzle books alone, Dad likes reading so the television can’t be on all the time, she can’t go out walking on her own any more).
  • She doesn’t see many people because – well, I guess because it’s more effort these days and also because she has a habit of cancelling.
  • Dad needs some respite…

I talked on here a while back about suggesting to Mum we find someone like me and my sisters who could take her out for coffee.  She was not even a little bit keen.  A friend read that post and said that if I were to go down the carer route, she’d tried a local agency that were not great, had been sacked and passed on the details of ‘ a group of ladies who are amazing’.

To cut a long story short, they are.  And they agreed to go under cover 😎.

So on Tuesday Mum and I went to the village shop for a coffee – possibly the first ever that she has bought me!  (Side note:  We also shared a scone.  Mum ate her half while I  sipped some coffee and then said ‘God, you ate yours fast!’, picked my half up and ate that too.  I think we may have uncovered the reason my sisters and I hoover plates of food faster than anyone else we know…)

Shortly after a lady sat down near us and I said I thought I might recognise her…would she like to sit with us?  So she did.  And we chatted. And by the time I went home on Tuesday, Mum was referring to the Undercover Carer as ‘my new friend’.  We’re going to all go for a coffee again next week.  And I am hoping that after that Mum will go for a coffee on her own with her.  And maybe sometime she will invite her back.  And hopefully she will ultimately feel comfortable enough for this lovely lady to wash her hair ….and you get the idea.

And after that we went to Tesco and Mum insisted she could walk around – and did.  And then she wanted to take Percy out and refused to go in her wheelchair.  That bit was a mistake as it took a Very Long Time to get back in the drizzle because her legs stopped working (And I mean literally.  She was at a 45 degree angle a few times when the top of her body moved forward but her legs stayed firmly where they were).  Still, my arms will probably recover at some stage from holding Mum up with one and restraining Percy with the other.  It was a good workout, at least.

I didn’t even suggest a glass of water this week, but I’m working on the basis that you have to pick your battles.  Because there was no battle, it was a good Tuesday. 🙂

Posted in COPD, dementia, family, looking after Mum, memory, muddled life guide, Muddled Life Tip, stroke, Tuesday, Tuesday TV | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

A picture from the past

Posted on November 10, 2024 by thepogblog

Last week my cousin sent me this photo that she’d found.  It’s my Nanny and Grandad, my Aunt (right) and Mum (left).

Don’t they all look amazing?!

I love old photos.  I love the little insights they give you into another time.  And of course the ones connected to my family personally are especially interesting to me.

But regardless of whether I know the people or not, one thing I find fascinating is how people seemed to have aged so much faster in previous generations.  And I know it’s because they had things like World Wars and dropping bombs and rations and all sorts of now unimaginable hardships to contend with, but it still holds my attention.

So my first thought on seeing the photo was ‘How old would Mum have been?’ (The family consensus via Facebook messenger was around 6), and then ‘How old would Nanny and Grandad have been?’

It turned out to be rather more complex than I’d thought.  Mum obviously isn’t able to help.  Dad was a bit flummoxed, and we don’t actually know my grandparents dates of birth.

But I do have some family certificates and a rummage around gave me their marriage certificate  – married in 1937 when Nanny was 21 and Grandad was 27, making their years of birth 1916 and 1910.  (Grandads death certificate gives his year of birth as 1908, but what’s a couple of years between friends?).

So by my calculations, if Mum was 6 and her sister was 12 in this photo, that makes Nanny 31 and Grandad 37.

This is a photo of me and Mr R at the races on his birthday last year, (the most recent one that’s not just head and shoulders and the only one looking as smart as Nanny and Grandad) making him 49 and me 47.  I can’t quite get my head around the fact we’re over 12 years older than Nanny and Granddad above. 

Life must have been so different back then, mustn’t it? 🙂💜

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Pumpkin Pog and Bony Tony go on an adventure

Posted on November 7, 2024 by thepogblog

Last week I broke the tin opener.  It fell into five separate parts while opening a tin of tuna.  Then the hoover went bang.  Literally.  Hetty’s motor joined the big clean up party in the sky.  RIP Hetty.

At that point I should have broken a match like Dad used to do in place of a third breakage.  Maybe if I’d done that we wouldn’t have had the fun and games we had early the next morning.  We got up at 4am, drove to Heathrow and boarded a plane for New York.  Mr R was all ready to run the marathon and we were both ready for some city exploring.  We boarded, we taxi’ed, we stopped.  The speedometer (or some such inconsequential bit of plane kit) was broken.  We went back to our stand and presumably some engineers did a fair bit of head shaking and went to work.  They didn’t take us off the plane as it ‘might only take an hour or so’.  It didn’t.  To cut a long story short, it took 5 hours.  And in that time we were served our lunch and (almost) all the alcohol on board.  But – joy of joys – they did fix it, and even though it meant we spent 13 hours on that blimmin’ plane, it didn’t break mid flight and we did get to New York; just a little later than anticipated.

And it was blimmin’ amazing.

We stayed in Queens which was …an experience: huge men with huge gold chains sitting on huge booming speakers, smoking huge quantities of weed outside all the grocery stores regardless of the time of day.  I felt like I should walk in time to the beat with a bit of a swagger.  I considered buying gold hoop earrings.  Hell, I felt like I was in a Neneh Cherry video 😂 (🎶’New York, just like I pictured it; sky scrapers and everything!  Do do do do do do doooh’🎶 ***).  I loved it.  And the view was one you would never be able to get in a fancy Manhattan hotel:

So we got there (eventually).

We did all the things and more.

We walked around 12 miles a day (even when we tried not to so that Mr R could rest his legs).

We discovered that the New York subway is a law unto itself and while I have no sense of direction, Mr R does.  Yet we still mostly ended up on the wrong trains or going in the wrong direction.

I met SO many dogs (about half were wearing Crocs.  I was unsure how I felt about this).

I talked to more New York Policemen in that time that I think I ever have spoken to English ones.  They were all very nice except one who was a bit of an arse.

We accidentally joined the New York Halloween Parade, but thanks to a couple of my NYPD mates managed to get the right side of the barriers again.

We discovered that the New York Halloween Parade contains many, many amazing costumes (well, we assume it did based on the ones we saw.  We went as Pumpkin Pog and Bony Tony – no costumes needed), but it was so dangerously overcrowded that we decided it just wasn’t worth the risk (another NYPD mate told me they’s never seen it like that and were going to start filtering people out rather than letting ones trying to join in), so we went back to Neneh Cherry land and grabbed a pizza on the way.

Himself ran the marathon in 2 hours 54 minutes and 58 seconds.  That made him 57th out of 3453 in the 50-54 age group. He’s speedy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was the only one of us who came home with blisters.

So I might not have broken the match stick and we might have had a rather long time on that plane on the way out but it was worth it – we had such a good time 😁

 

*** Btw, if you recognised those Neneh Cherry lyrics, 1) I am proud of you and 2) I played the track to my stepson before we went so he could properly imagine me singing my way around. ‘How old is this?  Like, 40 years?’  He asked.  I laughed at his daftness – it was from my youth – hardly that old.  38 years.  It is 38 years old.  Fuck a duck.

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For the love of wool

Posted on October 25, 2024 by thepogblog

Wool.  I love wool.  I love that you can go from a ball of the floofy stuff to clothes, toys or pretty much anything.

I can’t remember when I started to crochet.  There are blog posts on here that go back to 2013 but I think it was a bit earlier than that.  I can remember that Mum tried to teach me.  It went very very badly wrong (she’s never been very patient), so I ended up teaching myself from a book.

(Incidentally, it turns out that in their 20s, Mum tried teaching some of her colleagues to crochet in their lunch hour.  She still knows three of these ladies and they have all told me over the years that it went very, very badly wrong as Mum wasn’t patient and they all ended up a bit scared.  Good to know it wasn’t just me 😬)

Anyway, from the unimpressive and pretty hopeless start of triangles that were supposed to be squares, I managed to progress and an absolute obsession was born.  I was quite proud to be a ‘single lady in a tiny house with a cat and borderline unhealthy crochet habit’.

Back then, my sister (supportively) showed me this:

(She is hilarious).

But I found a few boyfriends in that decade.  Most of them were rubbish.  One turned out pretty good though so I married him – which nobody in the world had ever expected to happen in my life – most of all me.

BUT.  It has changed nothing on the wool front.  And I currently have five projects on the go, around 324789 plans in my head, wool stashed in wardrobes, boxes, my step sons room, in the eves and under the house so that Mr R doesn’t realise quite how many sheep we effectively own and I just found a new pattern.  I’ve not seen anything like it before and I am SO excited to try it out that my tummy really does feel like the tummy of a five year old on Christmas Eve.  Luckily I have a bit of spare wool to start it.  And one more project on the go is ok, isn’t it?

I’ll show you how it turns out next week.  For now I have to go and hunt down just the right wool…. 😁

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The tricky Tuesday

Posted on October 24, 2024 by thepogblog

It was a tricky Tuesday this week.

I don’t know what it was that annoyed Mum initially – maybe when I suggested we put on her bra that she had forgotten.  Or when I told her that one sock should go on each foot – not both on the same one.  Or when I struggled to get her shoes on because she had trodden down the backs with her attempt.

She was upset when I said that she was so wobbly we’d need to do Tesco with her in the wheelchair (no) or she could sit in the cafe with a coffee while I zoomed around (also no).  She sat in the car and people watched instead.  I thought all was good again but when we got home I asked her to drink a glass of water before she had her coffee and Tuesday cake.  (It turns out Mum doesn’t like / wont eat the Jelly Drop sweets, so we’re back to trying to insist on having a glass of water every so often again).  She refused.  She told me in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want to drink it, didn’t need to drink it and would not drink it.  I said that was fine, but she had to drink it if she wanted her donut.  She went and sat on her bed and stared out the window.

I left it a while (sometimes she forgets that she is having a sulk) and went in to ask if she’d like to come out in the wheel chair with me and Percy.  She said she would.  I asked if she could just finish the water first and the whole thing started again.

I left it a bit longer (she’d finished the water by this time – hooray!) and asked again.  She said that she wouldn’t as I told her she wasn’t allowed to come and she didn’t want to talk to me anyway.  I said I would like her to come with us and so would Percy.  But she said no and continued staring out the window.

So Percy and I went for a wander alone.

And then I swept the leaves from Mum and Dads drive.  And made the ham and egg pie I was going to make with Mum for their tea.  Dad said they enjoyed it.

It was nice to chat to Dad for a bit though – although it turns out I ask a lot of questions and answering them can be tricky for someone having breathing issues (only a 5/10 on Tuesday though, after a rather more scary 9/10 when Dad went to town last week, prompting a discussion about letting us know when he approached the ‘never been this bad before’ 10/10.).

So it was tricky.  Mum can be tricky – much more with Dad than with anyone else and never with anyone outside the family.  Sometimes she can be downright unkind and mean.  And I’d love to gloss over the not so nice bits, but hearing that other people struggle with this has helped me, so maybe reading this will help some other Pog in some other place.  And the thing about this dementia thing is that it changes frequently – for the good as well as the bad.  It is just so blimin’ frustrating sometimes!

https://youtu.be/phJsc1yCWnQ?si=AaHR21LFf31DikwB

Posted in COPD, dementia, family, looking after Mum, memory, stroke, Tuesday, Tuesday TV | Tagged | Leave a comment

I waved at the window man!

Posted on October 22, 2024 by thepogblog

I was running with Percy on the bridge over the A27 and the window man drove past in the opposite direction.  I waved at him and he waved back.  And it was AMAZING!

Ok, that might be a slight exaggeration, but it did feel blimin’ good 😁

If you’ve been around here a while you might have read my words about trying to meet people and fit in to places.  It’s a tricky thing to become part of a community when you don’t have kids. And you work from home.  I moved to Beachville seven years ago and I’ve done sooooo many things to try to be part of this place (not helped by Covid, thank you very much, you global pandemic, you) but nothing really worked.  But it turns out that the fitting in was sneaking up on me really, really slowly.

I *did* start passing the time of day with the man over the road when we are both out dog walking.  He’s not a people person (I’m not actually sure I am either) so it’s short and sweet, but we are at the stage now where I occasionally borrow his lawnmower and get advice on fish from him, as you do.

And the family up the road who have a Percy look alike kindly fed Norman when we went away a few times, so we chat to them when we see them too.

And their neighbour works for the company that fitted our windows and he’s into gardening and offers tomato plants and cucumbers that he grows in the growing season, which is lovely.

And of course there is Beryl up the road (93) who always has a word to share about the weather when we pass dog walking, and Derrick (83) who walks his dog past our house and indicates his pleasure or displeasure over how clean or dirty Mr Rs car is.

Then there are our actual neighbours.  One side our actual neighbours don’t talk to us (it’s a long story) but the ones on the other are the best. We got to know them because when Mr R and I were away in Manchester, I got a text to say our Ocado order would be arriving in the next hour. I called Lovely Neighbours in desperation, and despite the fact we’d only swapped numbers for emergency ‘your house is on fire’ type messages, they took our entire shop in like it was a totally normal thing to do for some weirdo who cant work out which day is which.  And obviously that’s the basis of an actual friendship… including everything from meeting up in Morocco (obviously) to the most gorgeous bunch of roses when Norman left us.

And then last week morning, I waved at the window man – the one with the cucumber and tomato plants.  And is there anything that tells you you’re part of a community more than being waved at from a van as you wheeze your way towards the Downs looking rather beetroot like ?

It’s taken seven years, but I finally, finally, feel like I am part of a real community.  And that feels good. 🙂

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Muddled Life Practical Tip for hydration – Jelly Drops

Posted on October 18, 2024 by thepogblog

Jelly Drops.

The blurb says:

‘Boost hydration through an irresistible sweet

Jelly Drops are an innovative sugar-free treat, made of 95% water with added electrolytes & vitamins, designed to increase fluid intake.

Popular with people with dementia, the elderly & others who struggle to stay hydrated.’

The website is:  https://www.jellydrops.com/

You can read all he details on the site, but these are the headlines as far as I understand it:

  • These work alongside drinking, not instead of as a pack provides 50ml water.
  • The company cannot recommend how many are eaten a day as they are classed as sweets but  it seems that there isn’t an upper limit. (That’s all covered on this page).  But on their subscription page they seem to suggest anywhere from 1.5 to six packs a day, and there are nine ‘sweets’ in each pack.
  • They are not a cheap option.  You can get a free trial at the start of a subscription (which you can cancel at any time or you can order a stand alone box with either 21 or 42 packs.  Depending on the option chosen the packs can work out at anything from 95p to £1.15 each. So 1.5 packs is less than a cup of coffee, six packs would be closer to a glass of wine in a pub.
  • They taste like raw jelly with a softer consistency.  They don’t need chewing.

Mum’s arrived this week and she seemed to like all the flavours we had.  We’ve agreed to aim to remind her to have a packet a day but having looked into the detail for this post, I think she probably needs more.  But we’ll see how it goes for now. 🙂

(PS:  I have no affiliation with this company so all links go direct to their site with no kickbacks to me!)

 

 

 

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