Dear Royal Mail…

Posted on April 24, 2025 by thepogblog

Dad told me a story this week that is one of those really lovely ones.  I’m writing a thank you letter as a result, as it’s one of those times that reminds you of the loveliness that is out there.  This is the letter that I am writing:

Dear Royal Mail,

I’m writing this to say thank you very much to the post people  from your delivery office who have reminded me just how lovely people can be.

Here’s a bit of background:

My Mum has advanced Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia.  My Dad has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD).  Essentially Mum’s mind and Dad’s lungs don’t work.  It’s a tricky combination which ultimately means that they rarely leave the house together.

Over a year ago, I wrote out  a card for Mum to have by the phone at home so that should anything happen to Dad she had instructions on calling 999 and the basic information to get an ambulance there.  On the back of the card are mine and my sisters numbers in the hope that the paramedics would call us.  All it actually achieved was highlighting that Mum couldn’t read anymore and no longer understood how to use the phone.  But I’ve left it there incase maybe it’s useful to someone in the future.

What I didn’t know is that on the occasional trips Dad manages out, he carries the card incase something happens so that he can be easily identified and we can be contacted (he wont hear of wearing an alarm around his neck).

Dad made one of his trips  last week – maybe the fourth this year – which included posting a birthday card.  He got out the car next to the letterbox, posted it, got back in the car and realised that he no longer had his card with him.  He’d popped that into the box too. His other stop that day was the bank in town, where he managed to leave his reading glasses on the ATM, so I suspect the excitement of the outing might have got a bit too much!

Anyway, it was only an index card with the hand written details on them, but the very next day it was posted, along with his other mail, through his letter box.  That means that the post person who emptied that mail box, presumably a sorter of mail and Mum and Dad’s postman all cared enough to get it back to the right place.

And I can’t tell you how much that has made me (and Dad) smile.

If there is a way for you to identify who these people are, please could you thank them very much?  It might seem like a small thing, but to us it really wasn’t.

Warm wishes,

Pog.

And in other Tuesday news, after washing and dressing (we’ve moved on from ‘how many pairs of pants should one person wear at a time?’, and moved onto ‘should socks go under or in top of slippers?’ and ‘how many socks should each foot have?’), we went to see Mums sister and then for coffee and toasted sandwich as a bit of a lunch treat on the way back.  By the time I left Mum couldn’t remember what she’d had for lunch, who we’d visited or what my name was. But that’s thats the way of this thing; it is what it is. 🙂

Posted in COPD, dementia, family, looking after Mum, memory, stroke, Tuesday | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Salon Pog Tuesday

Posted on April 10, 2025 by thepogblog

What do you do when Mummy W – who can no longer understand the concept of time – becomes obsessed with having her hair cut? (And by ‘obsessed’, I mean asking many multiple times a day when she will be going, repeatedly putting her shoes on and getting ready to leave the house to go to the appointment and making hysterical phone calls to sister 2 about when she will go as she’s stopped believing Dad when he says it’s ‘not today’). It was getting a bit desperate as Sister 2 has made her and Dad an appointment and will be escorting them to it…but it was over a week away.

What do you do? Well, you look for your lockdown hair haircut scissors, fail at finding them and instead grab the first aid scissors, rock up at Mum and Dads (after an epic 2 hour cross country adventure after half a mile of the road you needed to go on was closed) via a Tesco shop and picking up bags of medications from their surgery, and inform Mummy W with absolute confidence that you heard she wanted a hair cut and in fact, you’ve been cutting peoples hair for years *** and can absolutely make her look gorgeous, just as soon as we have done the showering and hair washing…

So I did.

And for the record, it tuns out that first aid scissors that cut bandages are not necessarily sharp enough to cut hair 😳 But they were just about sharp enough to trim sufficient ends that they needed sweeping up and Mum mostly thought that she’d had a haircut. And I only had to remind her twice that day of this fact when she asked when she was going to the hairdressers. (I’m just hoping it stays that way until the actual appointment. And that the hairdresser forgives me).

So that’s what you do when Mummy W becomes obsessed with a haircut that isn’t happening for a while. And I’m kind of excited / worried / interested what other new careers I’ll be convincing Mum I excel at in the future. I’ll keep you updated 😁

*** I’ve actually only trimmed Mr Rs and the two stepsons in lockdown. Stepson one cried because it ‘hurt his hairs’. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Posted in dementia, family, looking after Mum, memory, stroke, Tuesday, Tuesday TV | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Muddled Life Practical Tip – ReSPECT process

Posted on April 4, 2025 by thepogblog

In a post a few weeks ago I mentioned creating ReSPECT forms for Mum and Dad.  A few people have asked me about it, and it’s something I was totally unaware of until more recently, so I thought I’d pop a bit of info here.

To make sure I don’t get anything wrong, the following text (apart from my note at the bottom) is lifted direct from The Resuscitation Council UK

What?

ReSPECT stands for Recommended Summary Plan for Emergency Care and Treatment.  The form is not legally binding but they provide valuable guidance that should not be ignored during emergency decision-making.

Why?

The ReSPECT process creates a personalised recommendation for your clinical care in emergency situations, where you are not able to make decisions or express your wishes.

In an emergency, health or care professionals may have to make rapid decisions about your treatment, and you may not be well enough to discuss what is important to you. This plan empowers you to guide them on what treatments you would or would not want to be considered for, and to have recorded those treatments that could be important or those that would not work for you. Many treatments that can be life-sustaining for some people carry a risk of causing harm, discomfort or loss of dignity. Many people choose not to accept that risk if the likelihood of benefit from treatment is small. This plan is to record your preferences and agreed realistic recommendations for emergency situations, whatever stage of life you are at.

ReSPECT may be used across a range of health and care settings, including the person’s own home, an ambulance, a care home, a hospice or a hospital. Professionals such as ambulance crews, out-of-hours doctors, care home staff and hospital staff will be better able to make immediate decisions about a person’s emergency care and treatment if they have prompt access to agreed clinical recommendations on a ReSPECT plan.

Who?

This plan can be for anyone, but will have increasing relevance for people who have complex health needs, people who are likely to be nearing the end of their lives, and people who are at risk of sudden deterioration or cardiac arrest. Some people will want to record their care and treatment preferences for other reasons.

How?

The plan is created through conversations between a person and one or more of the health professionals who are involved with their care. The plan should stay with the person and be available immediately to health and care professionals faced with making immediate decisions in an emergency in which the person themselves has lost capacity to participate in making those decisions.

Where?

This is a UK initiative.

ReSPECT was initially introduced in some localities as part of a formal research evaluation taking place over three years. Alongside this, a network of health and care communities that are adopting and implementing the process is developing. Implementation will be a gradual process, with different health communities adopting and implementing ReSPECT using different timeframes, according to local or regional circumstances. If ReSPECT has already been adopted in your locality then you will be able to work with your health care professional to develop a plan.

Many parts of England and Scotland have now adopted the ReSPECT process, while Northern Ireland and Wales are yet to adopt ReSPECT.  Have a read through this data to find out if it’s been adopted where you live.

Note from me: 

A DNR or DNACPR (Do not attempt cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR)’) form is a separate form specifically about resuscitation in the case of a cardiac arrest or sudden death.  (This is not legally binding unless an Advance Decision to Refuse Treatment (ADRT) has been made).

The ReSPECT form states whether a DNR and/or ADRT is in place, but is a much wider document (‘process’ is the correct word according to Google, as it includes the conversations and guidance from a medical professional that are an essential part) covering details including – for example – preference of being treated at home vs hospital and what degree of advanced care the individual feels is appropriate, and where they would prefer to die.

This is rather heavy and made for a few uncomfortable conversations, but to my mind, getting the right care for someone you care about set out (with them where possible) is so important that it’s worth a few moments or ‘urgh’ 😬

Posted in COPD, dementia, looking after Mum, stroke | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The leaf collecting Tuesday

Posted on April 3, 2025 by thepogblog

I’m not sure if Mums legs are not working so well or if she is getting tired faster, but this Tuesday after the shortest walk from car to coffee shop, Mum had mostly had enough.  So we went for a drive instead. We seem to be past the point where she enjoys music and instead finds too much noise offensive, so we mostly drove in silence and I watched her watching the world go by.  She seemed to like that.

I did suggest a party afterwards, and while she wasn’t up for the dancing, she was up for the cake (surprise, surprise!)

You may have seen on my last post that I am about to attempt composting.  The flaw Mr R and I realised last week though is that we need a green and brown mix, and veggie cuttings are only one of these (I’m not sure which), but the other is mostly leaves and grass cuttings.  And while we have many veggie cuttings, we don’t have a lawn or a tree that has dropped sufficient leaves in the garden to collect up.  But Mum and Dad live with a wood either side of them and one thing they have an absolute excess of is leaves.  So I popped out into their garden to gather a sack.  And it was so lovely that I collected many, many leaves on the shady side of the garden to help out a bit.  While I was doing that, and Mum was standing in the kitchen doorway asking if I’d finished yet and telling me she felt sick when I said no (she likes being the focus at all times), Dad thought he’d come out to ‘see if I can get to the top of the garden, do a bit of pruning and still breathe’.  I thoroughly approved of testing this while I was there to help out should he need either a piggy back or an ambulance, so between leaf piles I rushed up and down to check if either were required.  And the good news is they weren’t 🙂.  Which is a good thing as I’d realised the logistics of piggy-backing Dad were probably not something I could manage successfully alone…

So this Tuesday there was cake, more cake, leaves, pruning and sun.  And I think that makes for a pretty good Tuesday 🙂

Posted in COPD, dementia, gardening, looking after Mum, memory, stroke, Tuesday | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Advanced composting

Posted on March 31, 2025 by thepogblog

I really enjoy having a nice garden.  I am, however, pretty terrible at actual gardening.  Both my parents and Mr Rs parents are amazing gardeners and I am often asking for hints, tips and help (and on Tuesdays I am occasionally accompanied to Mum and Dads by a plant in dire need of resuscitation, which they put in plant hospital and get looking better than it ever did at my house).

Mr R’s Mum and Dad have a compost heap and I became really interested in this last year as maybe that was the magic ingredient my plants were missing…decent compost.  Also, we throw out so many vegetable cuttings and peelings and surely composting would be more eco friendly?  And bless them, they bought us a compost thingamy for Christmas.  We just need to set it up. Only we don’t really know what we are doing.  But it’s ok!  The day has been saved!  As last week I saw the Village Repair Cafe cross post to the Village Gardening Network on facebook that the next guest at their monthly meeting was going to be a compost expert.

To my amazement, Mr R agreed to come with me.  Stepson 2 nearly fell off his barstool laughing.  Mr R told him there would be a rave afterwards and Stepson 2 commented that was clearly the only reason his Dad was going.  Being the older in mind than everyone else, I explained that even if the village garden network meetings were rounded off with a quick rave, we’d not stay that long as we’d have to get back with enough time for a nettle tea before bed.

We went.  Stepson 2 requested evidence if we weren’t actually the youngest people there.  Evidence was provided (I meant to write ‘youngest’. We weren’t the oldest either though).

And actually, of the 45 or so people there, at least five (In addition to the baby) were younger than us, and it was a really interesting evening.  I mean, we probably needed a basic level composting talk before going into that, but there was some amazing information about getting serotonin (the happy chemical) from the soil and the importance of the soil biome on the gut biome (I think that’s what he said).  And we know now that…well, we know it’s probably more complicated than we’d thought, but I have ordered a bokashi bin in addition to the big green thingamy so we can get started as soon as possible as one thing we did discover is that our soil is not great, shop bought compost is not great and…I’ve forgotten to plant the blimin’ tomato seeds again.  I’m hoping Beryl up the road has some sparsies again this year otherwise I’m going to have all the compost and nothing in it.

Still…one step at a time, eh? 🙂

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Training to be a strong Pog

Posted on March 27, 2025 by thepogblog

I have had quite a few clients over the years who hit their 50th birthday and decide it’s time to…:

  • Get fitter
  • Have a health check
  • Eat better
  • Do more stuff
  • Get things done

I think this is a great plan, but why wait?  I decided to get a head start and get myself as healthy as I can by the time I am 50.  Which gives me approximately 354 days.

I already run (plod…involving a fair bit of walking) four times, do a circuits class and a spot of yoga each week, but I am not very strong.  And if you listen to the experts (and even if you don’t and just engage common sense instead), being strong becomes increasingly important as you get older.

So to address this particular thing, I asked Mr R for a weighted vest for my birthday.  I know we talked about the actual weight and the plates and what it would look like, but I think I must have made it into one of those tangles of wool I mentioned in my last post and…well, there are a couple of issues.

10kg (just over 1.5 stone) didn’t sound that heavy.  And the fact that it was a 4kg (ish) plate on the front and one on the back seemed almost irrelevant.

Oh fuck a duck.  Let me tell you, it’s not heavy…for about two minutes.  And then it is like some evil giant is pushing you into the ground with his thumbs pressing on your shoulders as they start to sag, followed closely by your knees and you wonder if the short dog walk you planned on might be your very last.

I did it though. 2km (accompanied by Mr R just incase I fell over and got stranded like a beetle on my back). And boy did I feel it the next day.  And two days later I repeated it.  Because the only way hard things get easier is to keep doing them, right?

But now we have another small issue:  I did not consider what it would look like.  Or maybe I did, but it was cold and it would be covered by my coat.  But actually, I only have one coat big enough to cover its bulk and it’s getting warmer and…well, I think I might have to accept that I’m going to be mistaken for armed police.  Or just a bit of a weirdo.

But I’ll be a strong weirdo, right? 🙂

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Tuesday related wondering

Posted on March 26, 2025 by thepogblog

I wonder sometimes what happens in Mum’s head. I don’t mean in an exasperated sort of way (although exasperation does take up a large percentage of my wondering).  I mean how it is that some days she cant remember where her bedroom is to walk back from the bathroom, yet minutes later she can tell me she wants to wear the cardigan that I made her – the same cardigan that the previous week she swore beyond doubt I’d never given her and she’d certainly never seen.

Someone said to me last week that it’s good she still has her knitting.  But at the moment Mum doesn’t believe that she ever could knit and I’ve hidden her wool and knitting needles as she was getting stressed thinking that she needed to finish a jumper (something she’d not made since before her stroke).  Even looking at the Tuesday Blanket squares, she has no recollection at all of making them.

Yet I’m told…and I see…that some skills come and go.  That this is far from linear.

But in my rather basic view of how a brain works, there are bits of wool (obviously it’s wool) that connect up all the memories and thoughts and skills.  And when something disappears in Mum’s brain I assumed that the wool got snipped and the connection is lost.  So how does she remember where her bedroom is in relation to the bathroom the next day?  Or remember the cardigan she forgot, or like last week, totally forget my name or my relation to her while we sit in a coffee shop and remember as we drive home?  And how does she manage to lose her coat three times between pulling up outside her house and getting inside?!  Maybe the wool isn’t cut.  Maybe it’s just in a right old tangle.

Don’t worry, I don’t want actual answers.  I just wanted to wonder my wandering wondering out loud…or so to speak.

And sometimes I wonder if actually my head is almost as tangled as Mums 😳

 

Posted in COPD, dementia, family, memory, stroke, Tuesday, Tuesday blanket | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The black humour Tuesday

Posted on March 23, 2025 by thepogblog

This Tuesday included a first visit from the community nurse.  Mum was referred to her when Sister 1 took her to have a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate / respect form) put in place.  One of the first things the nurse confirmed was that Mum’s DNR had been put in place, but had been put ‘on the wrong part of the system’ which meant nobody could actually access it.  So that was good 🙄.

The nurse asked lots of questions.  Dad and I mostly answered them.  I think the nurse realised pretty fast that this would not be her average house visit.  She said (between gasps of laughter) that most people are a bit broken, disillusioned and very grumpy by the time she is brought in.  I assured her we were all of those things, but dipped in a serious amount of hysteria in an attempt to keep it all together.

At some point in the conversation we realised that we might as well do two for the price of one and Dad was also added to her list.  Dad has a DNR through the hospice, but we had no clue if that had made it on the right place on any system and we don’t have a printed copy of it for the house (which apparently you should), so the lovely nurse said she’d just do one for Dad too.  We went over the questions quickly until…

‘Would you want advanced life support or ventilation?’

Dad answered slowly and the nurse started writing as though taking dictation…

‘Yes, if I am half way through a book….it does worry me a bit that I might die half way through a good book and never know the ending. ‘ (Dad is a voracious reader).

Part way though the dictation the nurse looked up trying to get the right facial expression in response to this, but mostly smiling widely.

So we’ve agreed that should Dad get really poorly at some point , we’ll pop him on life support until I can finish reading the book to him. We’ve also agreed no War and Peace or Pillars of the Earth for that reason.

We have a slightly (very?) black sense of humour in our family these days 🙂

(And here’s a bit of Mum, keeping it real…)

 

 

Posted in COPD, dementia, looking after Mum, memory, stroke, Tuesday, Tuesday TV | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Still not nailing the adulting thing

Posted on March 17, 2025 by thepogblog

Two weeks ago I walked in to a lamp post.  I was just minding my own business, looking up across the green to the top of the hill to see if I could see which was our house, and it came out of nowhere.  It bled a bit (My head.  Pretty sure the lamp post was ok).  Then it did this:

Then it did nothing.  I’d hoped for at least an impressive purple bruise to match the pain levels, but it just went that mouldy yellow colour a few days later an that was it.  Quite disappointing really.

This week I was putting on my makeup.  I don’t wear much makeup – not enough to look younger (I use the Zoom filter for that, and thank my lucky stars that none of my clients ever see me in real life), but just enough that I don’t end up actually scaring people.  I’ve been wearing the same make up, put on in the same order, for years.  Until last week when I had some sort of brain fart and put my mascara on, followed directly by my powder.  The wet mascara transferred itself under my eyes and the powder brush liberally smeared it above and around.  It looked like the lamp post aftermath should have looked…

And then I woke up with burst blood vessels in one eye.  I can only assume at this point my face has just given up.

And the reason I tell you this?  Because the Pog Blog used to be entirely about my daftness.  And I suspect sometimes between looking out for Mum and Dad and step mumming I might come across as someone who knows how to adult these days.  And I just wanted to assure you that is absolutely not the case.  I am entirely winging all aspects of my life, as I am sure the vast majority of people reading this are.  I just wanted to make that clear 😁

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Finding Floof Mc Floofy

Posted on March 14, 2025 by thepogblog

On Saturday Mr R went running early and I decided I might as well get up at 6am and take Percy out to get started on the day.  But when I looked out the front window, Mr R was still standing outside on his phone.  I opened the door to ask in a slightly irritated way why he’d not got on with starting his 39 km run, because we needed to get a few things done before he and Stepson 2 went to the football at lunchtime …

‘I’ve found a dog’ he said. ‘I’m taking it’s photo’.

It turned out he was trying to post on the local facebook page that he’d found a dog, but he is not into social media and it was unlikely to get an immediate response so I told him to get going and called to the dog who floofed his way enthusiastically through the front door and turned many many circles in his happiness at (I assume) being inside.

Floof liked his circles.  He also liked the back garden.  And barking.  Percy was not keen, especially as this unexpected visitor was delaying his Saturday expedition.

I posted on the local facebook groups.  I think most locals were still asleep.

I stood at the front door incase anyone was out looking.

I put Floof on one of Percy’s leads and walked up and down the road in the hope he would show me where he lived.  He didn’t.

The vet opens at 8am so I popped Floof in a box on the passenger seat and we chatted about whether if his hooman couldn’t be found he’d be able to live with us.  Or perhaps one of my sisters.  Floof smiled a lot but I’m not sure he quite understood.

The vet nurse scanned him, he had a chip…but the chip was not registered on a UK data base.  The vets kept Floof and…to cut a long story short, his hooman did see my facebook post and he was picked up later in the day.  It turned out his hooman had come home drunk and left the door open long enough for Floof to go on a great adventure, ending outside Our Towers.

I rather liked Floof.  He was terribly smiley.  He probably wouldn’t have worked very well with our lifestyle though.  And I think Percy prefers the less fury brother option. Also, it turned out his name wasn’t Floof, which was slightly disappointing.  It was a different start to the weekend though 😁 (I’m hoping for a less floofy start to this weekend).

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