On Saturday I had a long overdue Little Pea and Me afternoon.  We had plans.  And I realised why you should never have too many plans with an 18 month old in tow.  In fact, there are a few things that I learned which I’ll now pass on for any other aunties out there…

1 – When strapping a Little Pea in his car seat, pull the straps tight.  If you don’t, you’ll look round a few miles into your journey to discover that your nephew may be related to Houdini as both arms are free and there’s a good chance he’ll be completely out of his seat in seconds.  This results in the fastest entry you’ve ever made into a pub car park rectify the situation.

2 –  Use a trolley with a child seat rather than thinking ‘a walk would be nice’ at the garden centre.  That nice walk will result in numerous sit downs to ‘broom, broom’ the car Little Pea is carrying, a heart stopping few seconds when you think you might have actually lost him, and a need to call yourself ‘Auntie Pog’ loudly and repeatedly so that people don’t assume you’re his Mum and have absolutely no control over him.  Being an auntie with absolutely no control is somehow ok in my head.

3 – Avoid dragons.  in fact, avoid all garden statues, even water features.  In order to leave any of them, you will both have to say goodbye to every one.  At least 97 times each.

‘Nope, I’m not going anywhere’

4 – Don’t assume that Mummy will be happy with you for filling him up with Jaffa cakes, thinking it’s ok because he didn’t eat his lunch.  Oops.

5 – Putting your old gardening T-shirt on Little Pea might seem sensible…

….until he pours most of a watering can of water over him, stretching it and making walking something between frustrating and impossible.

6 – Check where Little Pea plants the bulbs.  It may look like they’re all going in the pots, but in fact you may find a small pile of them in a corner of the patio the next day

7 – Making jam tarts may work as an activity for around 30 seconds…

….but will soon progress to eating of raw pastry, interspersed with a bit of hunting to find Norman Cat.

‘Do you want some?’

‘If I do this slowly, without making eye contact…’

‘… veeery slowly…’

‘…she might not notice.’

‘Oops!  She caught me.’

Despite everything, most of the bulbs got planted, the jam tarts were made and Little Pea was taken home by Mummy (Sister 1) in one piece.

After cleaning the kitchen and lounge of pastry and taking most of my possessions off the windowsill, where Little Pea clearly felt they all belonged, I decided to cook dinner.  At this point, Norman, possibly feeling a bit left out, jumped onto the kitchen counter to help, I shouted and he knocked all of the jam tarts on the floor.  I threw away the ones that landed in his biscuit bowl, but figured I’d just cleaned everything so the others should be ok.  On Sunday I gave some to Sister 1 and some to my Mum and Dad.  With the suggestion that when (if?) they eat them, they have an antibiotic chaser, just to be safe :o)