‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.’
Well, I can confirm that is unlikely to be the case here at Pog Towers tonight based on every other night of the year.
Originally it was just the fire breathing dragon trapped in the bathroom wall. He does his fire breathing thing for about 5 minutes after I have flushed the toilet (I’ve been told that he is actually just an air bubble or something but I prefer to think of it as Puff).
In my bedroom, at some point in the night there will be the sound of a couple of burglars breaking through the back door. It’s only when I have woken up properly that I remember Charlie and Norman were not blessed in the cat stealth department and it is actually them hurtling through the cat flap.
Having trampled all over me, Norman will drift off to sleep under the bed and Charlie at the end. And within 10 minutes or so both will be snoring at a volume that would rival many of the two legged male species…
And now there is a new noise. Either the extractor fan in the bathroom is on its last legs or a small WW2 plane has moved in to keep Puff entertained.
So, it’s unlikely that between Puff, the plane and the snoring cat burglars that it will be a quiet night but I’m still going to listen really hard for Father Christmas’s sleigh…
Happy Christmas people! :o)x
I don't mean to be disrespectful, but does it look like Joseph is holding some handcuffs in the air to you?
And this is Mary in the family nativity....
the pog blog 
Looks as if you are in need of some Elf’n’safe tea over Christmas, please heed the advice below.
Soon be time to get bikes out again—-yipeee. Have a good Krizzy
NEW CHRISTMAS REGULATIONS
HEALTH & SAFETY
WHILE SHEPHERDS WATCHED
While shepherds watched their flocks by night
All seated on the ground,
The Angel of the Lord came down,
And Glory shone around.
The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches Health & Safety Regulations to insist the shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided.
Therefore, benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs must be available. Shepherds have also requested that, due to inclement weather they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras behind centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
The Angel of the Lord is reminded that before shining his / her Glory all around, the shepherds must be issued with glasses capable of filtering out any harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory lighting.
LITTLE DONKEY
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road,
Got to keep on plodding onwards, with your precious load.
The RSPCA has issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry. Also in the guidelines are permitted feeding breaks, and at least one rest break in a four-hour plodding period.
Due to the risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear facemasks.
The ‘Little Donkey’ has expressed his discomfort as being labelled ‘Little’ and would prefer to being simply referred to as ‘Mr Donkey’.
Comments upon his height or otherwise are considered to be a breach of his equine rights.
WE THREE KINGS
We three Kings of Orient are,
Bearing gifts we traverse afar,
Field and fountain,
Moor and Mountain,
Following yonder star.
Whilst the gift of Gold is still considered acceptable – as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations such as ‘Cash4Gold’ etc., gifts of Frankincense and Myrrh are not appropriate due to the risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions.
An acceptable alternative might be a gift voucher.
It is not recommended that traversing Kings should rely on star navigation, and would advise the use of AA Route Finder or Sat Nav.
Both can provide the quickest route and advise on fuel consumption.
As in the case of Mr. Donkey, the three camels require regular rest and food breaks and facemasks for the three Kings are obligatory due to the likelihood of desert dust disturbed by the camel hooves.
THE ROCKING CAROL
Little Jesus sweetly sleep, do not stir,
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants due to the risk of allergy and for ethical reasons.
Therefore, false fur, a cellular blanket or, perhaps, micro-fleece material should be considered alternatives.
Please note that, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau (CRB) check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock Baby Jesus.
Persons must carry their CRB disclosure at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before any rocking commences.
JINGLE BELLS
Dashing through the snow on a one-horse open sleigh,
Over fields we go – laughing all the way.
A Risk Assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to ride.
The Risk Assessment should also consider whether the use on only one horse in appropriate – particularly if passengers are of larger proportions.
Permission from landowners must be gained before entering any ‘Open Fields’.
To avoid offending those not participating in the venture, it is required that only ‘moderate’ laughter is used and not at a noise level likely to be of nuisance to others.
RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose,
And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows,
All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.
You are advised that, under the Equal Opportunities Policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment upon the ruddiness of Mr. R. Reindeer.
Name-calling contravenes our Anti-Bullying policy, and further to this, the exclusion of Mr. R. Reindeer from any reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against anyone found guilty of this offence.
A full investigation will be implemented, leading to imposing sanctions such as a ban from hanging up stockings or enjoying Christmas dinner.
AWAY IN A MANGER
Away in a manger – no crib for a bed…
Refer to Social Services immediately!
Lots of giggles there Reg, thank you!
I was hoping I might get a bike ride in tomorrow morning (last Christmas morning it made me feel very Christmas-y!) but it’s still a bit icey and I want to be in one piece for my turkey! Like you say though…soon!
Have a very Happy Christmas and thank you for reading the blog :o)
I went out a week ago Wednesday, heading for Shoreham via Terrys Lodge Hill, West Kingsdown etc.
I crested Terrys Lodge with a flat front tyre, picked up a chunk of glass. Fitted spare inner tube No1.
As time was tight I decided to turn around and use the Pilgrims Way to get to Shoreham quicker. Got to the bottom of Terrys Lodge and the rear tyre was flat. A thorn this time. Used up spare inner tube No2. Got to the outskirts of Kemsing and rear again flatted due to the valve blowing out on a brand new inner tube.
Gave up at that point and went home for the car AKA the invalid carriage.
Things can only get better.
That’s it – I’m sticking to 4 wheels for a while! I hope you next outing is less eventful…