I never post my opinion about bigger things on here, mainly because I am scared people will disagree and I am a coward. It’s a lot easier just to let people laugh at me. I’m going to try it though. Not exactly an opinion. More a suggestion, because I’ll always be a coward :o)
So….Let’s get one thing straight: Anyone who is a Mummy has my utter respect. I have trouble controlling Norman cat; I could never manage a little person. I definitely couldn’t manage the little person growing into a teenager. Just the idea gives me palpitations.
That said, I never imagined getting to this age without children. It is how it is though, and I love the fact that I can stay up late without knowing I’m be woken at silly o’clock at the weekend, that I can do classes on a whim without taking anyone else into consideration and I can have dairylea on toast for my dinner without worrying about getting 5 a day into the tummy of anyone else.
So the while the Motherhood challenge ‘thing’ doing the rounds at the moment (posting 3-5 photos that make you happy to be a mother) is lovely to see – just as every photo of my friend’s children is – it does make a teeny bit of me sad too, because, for whatever reason, not everyone is part of that club.
Sister 1 posted on Facebook about it today in a slightly shouty, sweary way, but she hit the nail on the head:
‘…why throw it in the faces of people who maybe are unable to have children, those who have suffered a loss that we know nothing about, those who have been trying for years and we know nothing about their struggles, those people begging to have a baby but can’t…’
(I took the shouty, sweary bits out. Sister 1 doesn’t tend to sit on the fence on the things she feels strongly about….)
Mummies make the world go round and I am not disputing that. It’s just… maybe we should all be a bit sensitive on a subject that impacts people way more than we might be aware of.
People make judgments that those of you who are mums might not be aware of and they do add up. My highlights were when I was informed that ‘As you’re not a Mum, you can’t possibly understand what love is’. Really? It might be different, but does not having a child invalidate any kind of love I have ever felt? And from someone who had met me minutes before and started the conversation with the usual ‘Do you have children?’ When I said no, she followed up with ‘How old are you? Oh, it’s ok. If you’re quick you might just have time to have one’.
For some people it’s a choice, for some the right time and the right person never got coordinated, but for some it’s a lot more complicated than that. I’m not making some declaration that nobody should join this particular challenge. Just maybe be a bit gentle with friends – you don’t know what you don’t know.
And to finish on a smile, I’m going to suggest that we start a new Facebook thingy, Pog style. Post three things to your profile that make you smile. Everyone can join in this one and maybe it will make everyone a bit more smiley….what do you think? Here are mine: