I think I might have a bit of a problem. It comes in the shape of Norman Cat.

You might remember he went through a rather long stage of bringing me home a neighbour’s dinner – pork chops, sausages, salmon, an entire joint of beef… well, that stopped a while back. (Thank God – I was pretty sure there was a price on his head as a result of his thieving.)  Instead, I became the recipient of moths and the occasional slug which were a lot easier to cope with. But something has happened recently and all I can put it down to is Norman’s disapproval of my sudden social life.

(Don’t fall off your chair, but one of these nights out was a second date with the lovely man. Very nice thank you. No disasters – unless you count the fact that I didn’t panic enough this time, decided to wear a particular top in the morning, washed it, hung it on the bathroom heater to dry and 40 minutes before leaving for the evening, discovered that it had fallen on the floor and was still soaking wet. Totally unable to decide on something else to wear at such short notice, I put it on anyway, and hair dryer-ed it to an almost dry state. I also managed to accidentally put on some tights/ leggings from my rounder days so by the time I arrived I was steaming slightly on the top half and doing a bit of a Nora Batty impression on the bottom half. ‘Memorable’ is not something I aim for, but I think I may have a achieved it- for all the wrong reasons, as usual.)

So, back to Norman. I think he has been trying to stop me going out so much. I came home from work last week to find, wait for it….three mice liberally scattered throughout Pog Towers. I sat him down and asked if he could give me and the mouse population of Bumpkinsville a bit of a break***. He listened. I know this because the next night I came home to….a rat. Complete with decorative ivy. I’d obviously been too specific.

Boot added to demonstrate the size of things…

Once again we sat down and I asked if he could stop bringing me gifts of any animals that I ran a risk of treading on. Once again he listened.

I went out Friday, Saturday and Sunday (you fell off your chair that time, didn’t you?).  Each time I came home I checked each room for ‘gifts’ and each time I was relieved to find none.  Norman must have given up.  Or just run out of wildlife.

Sunday night I sat on my chair – for the first time that weekend –  and snuggled down for a spot of crochet.  I have a blanket that I throw over the chair while I’m not using it to deter Norman from scratching it.  When I sit on it I just scoop the blanket to one side, like this:

So, a few hours of crochet later I got up for bed, picked up the blanket to re-cover the chair and discovered… that at some point Norman had placed a mouse in the far corner.  I had been snuggled up with my wool, crochet hook, hot water bottle and a dead mouse.  I still feel sick.

We’ve had another chat.  I have been very general now (‘No animals of any kind, dead, alive or in human food format, anywhere in the house please), and I am hopeful.  I have taken my bed apart the last two nights though, just in case he’s hidden any more bodies :o)

***I just wanted to point out that I am not keen on any cat murdering wildlife.  He does it in the day time mostly though, so keeping him in at night wouldn’t help.  We have also tried every cat collar with multiple bells going, but 1) the local wildlife appears to be deaf as it made no difference and 2) Norman slips every collar within 24 hours and the vet has advised although is is a bit of a Houdini, he stands a good chance of hanging himself, as many cats who try to escape collars do. I am open to any ideas that other humans owned by cats may have!  :o)