Things you should probably not say out loud:

• When in a lift at the office, which you got on at floor 9 stops at floors 8,7,6,5,4,3,2….and then goes back up to 8, to the lift: ‘WHY did you do that? We all want lunch’.  Followed by ‘Did nobody in this (very crowded) lift press the ground floor button?’  To be fair, this did get everyone talking to each other, which makes a bit of a change.

• When meeting your friend’s boyfriend, with your friend: ‘Hi, how are you? Did you know your flies are undone?’  That results in justifying why you noticed (he wasn’t wearing what I expected him to be, so I did the look down – look up thing) and then why you thought to say it out loud (because if it was me about to travel across London not completely dressed, I’d rather know)

And:

• When posting a letter in Country Bumpkinsville, just keep quiet. Just because there is a tiny path to the post box and a man just walked up it, don’t stop at the end to avoid having to speak / make eye contact / cross on the path at a very close, un-British distance.  Definitely don’t stop at the end of the path and start talking to a cat that has come to investigate you saying things like ‘Hello gorgeous, what are you doing here?’ followed by a few kissing noises.  There is a possibility that this will cause the man to freeze on the spot, letter only part way into the post box.  When I asked him if he was ok, it turned out he’d not seen the cat and thought I’d been talking to him.

Suddenly it seems like a good thing that while I am away, there is a limit to how much I will be able to talk. :o)

I’m not worried. Biff has this one in hand. Or rather, mouth.