Anyone who commutes knows people don’t make eye contact on trains, let alone talk (unless it’s snowing at which point all rules are broken).  Not so tonight – I have just had a very entertaining train ride home.  It feels a bit wrong to be posting it here as one of my ‘blog rules’ is that I shouldn’t achieve smiles at the expense of others (apart from my family who, as I’ve said before, are fair game) but I’m sorry, this man kind of deserves it.

So tonight I got on the train, found a seat and realised a man, we’ll call him Mobile Man, was on his phone very loudly.  This is nothing unusual but the first sentence I heard was ‘you’ll never guess what his text said’, and I was hooked.  I wanted to know.  And this is what happened next:

Mobile Man: it said ‘how open minded are you?’

And now I really wanted to know what was coming next.  Judging by the surreptitious glances from other commuters they wanted to know too.

Mobile Man: Well, I said I was pretty open minded but I didn’t expect the next text

<eye catching occurred around the carriage as we waited to find out>

Mobile Man: it said he wanted a hot steamy shower with me and then to rub me all over with oil!

<all sorts of expressions crossed faces>

Mobile Man: of course I told him I was no gay, although I admit to being very good looking

<Everyone looked at him.  Men looked quizzically at women.  Women all shook heads, smirking slightly at his belief in his looks>

Mobile Man: I mean, he’s in his 60’s.  He’s old

<Man in 60’s sitting next to me informed me that ‘actually that isn’t old these days’.>

Mobile Man: And then he asked me not to repeat it, and of course I won’t tell anyone

<around 20 commuters muttered simultaneously ‘except us’>

He then went on to give almost enough details about his admirer for each of us pretending not to listen in, but hooked on every word, to identify the poor bloke at 50 paces.  And then, just as he got of at his station he finished the call with….wait for it…

Mobile Man: Bye Nan.

The second he stepped off the train those of us left all turned to each other…NAN?! Comments included ‘well she’s pretty open minded it would seem’ and ‘no wonder he shouted so much – she’s probably deaf’.  And the rest of us just looked amazed, dazed and laughed.

So the lesson is:  Don’t hold loud private conversations in public places unless you’re up for people listening in.  And don’t be a little bit mean about people in loud private conversations unless you are ok with the possibility of others doing the same to you.  :o)