The Chaos of a Sports Bra

I just wrote another e-mail.  It is similar to the e-mail to Boots that resulted in me making vast quantities of jam.  I’m not sure this will have quite the same end result but we’ll see.  Bloody sports bras.

So here it is, for your amusement:

Dear lovely bra customer services person,

I’ll briefly set the scene for you:

  • I bought a ‘Shock Absorber Run’ bra yesterday in a size I won’t mention.  Let’s just say that more than one letter is involved and it is big enough for small people to use as a tent.
  • I am not a contortionist.
  • I live on my own.
  • I went to the gym this morning in my lovely new bra / tent.

What I would like to ask is this:  Did a man devise the ‘Shock Absorber Run’ bra?

I ask because it does all the things it said it should (including – although I can’t be as exact as you on the figure – reducing ‘up to 78% bounce’ – how was that measured?!) ONCE YOU HAVE MANAGED TO GET IT ON!

As I mentioned, I am not a contortionist and I live on my own.  This combination is not good for owners of ‘Shock Absorber Run’ bras unless you have a spare 20 minutes to get the thing on.  I am a fasten-at-the-front-swizzle-to-the-back-and-arms-in kind of a bra wearer.  Do that with this bra though and you are only part way there.  You still have an additional clippy thing in the middle of your back placed exactly where your arms don’t bend to unless you dislocate a shoulder or two. 

I didn't include this in my e-mail but this is a screen shot so you can see the problem for yourself...

Could you possibly consider this the next time that a bra is designed?  Or request any men present at the design phase to have a go at trying it on while they are rushing to get ready for the gym?  If you also have instructions on how to best get into the bra that would be much appreciated.  Although I am sure over time I will get a little more stretchy / capable of dislocating my shoulders on demand.

As I said though, all in all, the bra is great and I am very impressed with it.

Thank you very much for your time.

Again, I’ll let you know if I get response :o)

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10 Responses to The Chaos of a Sports Bra

  1. Reg Oakley says:

    Sounds very much like you need a bit of apparatus similiar to that used by Wallace and |Grommit, where walace goes down a chute feet first into his trousers.

    Perhaps the garment should be held on some sort of frame so you can dive into it head first.

  2. Simon R says:

    Might be my manliness getting in the way of my logical thinking here, but can’t you do up both rear clasps, and then “swizzle and arms in”?

    Admittedly, I don’t have experience of having tried this personally; my boobs have not yet reached double-letter proportions; and I have no way of measuring the potential chaffage. But from the photo it looks like it could work!

    • thepogblog says:

      No Simon, you can’t. I love that you have spent time trying to work this out, but you’d have to be double jointed to get your arms back in. Perhaps you could ask Mrs R to demonstrate?

      Thank you for thinking it through though. You nutter :o)x

      • Simon R says:

        Mrs. R balked at the idea of a demo, funnily enough!

        Thing is, and correct me if I’m wrong, but boobs are squishy. Can not the elasticity of the squishiness alleviate the need to be double jointed in your limbs?

      • thepogblog says:

        Not that squishy! (Also sports bras are very tight and do all possible squishing before you reach the point of requiring dislocations…)

        Trust me on this one sweety ;o)

  3. Martin says:

    Can you not pull it on like a jumper with the top clip left done up and just do up the bottom clip?

  4. Melinda says:

    Hilarious and a story that will have all ladies nodding enthusiastically. I have a dress with similar contortionist requirements and recently stood my 3 year old on the kitchen bench to help me with zipping.

    The problem with such bras is that in the process of fitting on you then pull muscles and do yourself injury that then requires you to take bed rest. And eat chocolate. x

talk to me here , if you fancy :o)

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