I love living in Bumpkinsville.  The only problem is that in such a small place, there aren’t that many other people around who I actually know, and without a child or a dog and with a full time job, it’s quite difficult to meet people.  As a result, I was hugely excited when a friend of mine moved to the outskirts of the next village.  She’s less than 5 miles away – practically a neighbour!

This Saturday she invited me and another friend over for the evening and Sister 2 kindly offered to drive me.  Then Sister 2’s car went to car heaven.  But that was ok, because it was less than 5 miles!  I could walk that, right?

The theory worked.  It was the practice bit that went a bit pear shaped.  In my head I worked out how long it would take ‘Unfit, but about 5 minutes a mile, that’s about 25 minutes…’  Now, if I’d continued that thought I would have got to ‘…on my bike’.  It took just over an hour door to door.

I wrapped up warm,- it was cold out.  One thermal vest, one long sleeved top, a jumper, coat, scarf, hat and gloves.  I left home looking ok (under the Michelin man costume).  I arrived having sweated off my make up, hair on end, soaked in sweat and with my jeans rolled up to my knees (see next point).

On Friday, Bumpkinsville and a lot of the surrounding area flooded.  We’re talking fire brigade to get people out of cars, entire villages shut etc.  I thought 24 hours would make all the difference.  It didn’t –  I met with a few unexpected rivers right across the road.  I thought I’d walk in the fields to avoid them.  It turns out very flooded fields turn into something like quicksand when completely water logged.  And no, I didn’t have wellies on.

I planned on leaving home at 4.30pm because it would still be a bit light then and I’d be there by 5pm (see original estimate) when it got pitch black.  Due to chatting to Sister 2 about the joys of cars and a touch of OCD (having to go back about half a mile in as I thought I might have left my straighteners on), I finally left just before 5pm.  There are no street lights at any point between mine and my friends house.  But I had a torch!  Which, it turned out, isn’t all that great.  What it was great at though, was scaring motorists – it flashes blue and I could see cars slowing down as soon as they saw it.  I think it might have looked like some sort of police thing :o)  Another thing that slows motorists down is using the torch like a glow stick and dancing to your ipod as you walk.  I think that scared them in a different way though…

I arrived an hour late, looking like I’d been dragged through a hedge backwards, but proud that I’d not drunk the bottle of wine in my backpack.  I was handed a glass of alcohol – and it was all worth it.  I wont be doing it again though, even if my Bumpkinsville friend is ‘practically a neighbour’!  And our other friend drove me home, in case you were wondering.  I’m not that daft! :o)

A typical Bumpkinsville road. When it’s not dark…or flooded.