A week or so ago I posed a question on face book asking friends their top tips for a first date. I told them that this was because I was guest blogging on a dating site. That was true (although it won’t be this version of the copy that goes there for reasons that will become clear), but it was also for my benefit as last Saturday I went on my first date set up by the introduction agency that I joined eons ago. Remember the fantabulous idea? And the update? Well, this was the Next Steps.
I had been sent the profile of someone who, on paper ticked all the boxes. I agreed to meet him, he agreed to meet me. Intro Lady sent him my mobile number. He texted me to ask when would be convenient to call (so polite!)…and I completely missed the text. When I did see it some hours later I told him to call my land line (my mobile has a mind of it’s own) and promptly sent him the wrong number. Two hours later I sent another text apologising and with the right number…
After about 12 minutes on the phone I suggested we meet up. I had a weird feeling if we talked for too long I would talk myself out of meeting him. He left it to me to set up the time and place which I did and to my surprise, we both turned up.
So, onto the tips that I was helpfully sent. I thought I’d talk you through how they helped…
1. Don’t order spaghetti, or any other food that is difficult to eat, that may result in you wearing more of it than eating
Happily, I stayed away from spaghetti and, surprising myself, managed to get all my food in my mouth at all times.
2. Don’t get sooooo plastered that you can’t hold a conversation
I was driving so this was not an issue. I was however, very nervous which meant I talked a fair bit of rubbish (yes, I realise that is the normal state of affairs with me)
3. Appearance wise, go for ‘sultry’ not ‘slutty’
I’m so pleased Sister Two stipulated ‘appearance’ here. Clearly if you want to act slutty that is absolutely fine (Mum: I promise I did neither)
4. Don’t order salad, guys love a girl that can eat
Yup, absolutely no problem with that one. I had a pudding too :o)
5. Take a tooth-pick and compact mirror to deal with the piece of spinach that will undoubtedly become lodged between your front teeth….
I honestly took floss with me…
6. Don’t talk about ex’s.
I mentioned an ex’s mum…I don’t think that counts though, does it?
7. Be yourself, otherwise it won’t last when they find out who you really are
Brilliant tip. I was myself. (Only a slightly less chaotic version, to my surprise. I acted like an adult for the duration. I know, impressive isn’t it?)
8. When arranging to meet, make sure you don’t inadvertently find that you are standing outside the gents loos!
Understood – arranged to meet in the car park instead. Very classy.
9. if you don’t have instant chemistry be honest and leave quickly – no point wasting a whole evening !!
This was a little confusing as I also received 10)
10. Give it a chance – the chemistry may come later
So which one….?
11. Booking a ticket to fly halfway across Europe the next day for a first date with someone you’ve never even spoken to on the phone works…
I’d love to have the conviction to do this….but I drove 5 miles down the road
12. When you’re married, treat every anniversary like a first date
Oh we are a looong way from that!
So I followed the tips – well, 1-8. Number 9 and 10 confused me as there wasn’t much chemistry, but as I said, on paper he seemed perfect. As we left he asked to see me again. Two hours later he texted me to say he looked forward to meeting again. And then nothing in reply to the text he’d requested I send to let him know when I was free. Nothing for the next few days. So I contacted Intro Lady who mailed me to let me know ‘there will be no second date’. He felt there was no chemistry :o(
I was slightly annoyed that he’d suggested meeting up again for no reason but actually it was probably a good thing. Because thinking about it in retrospect, I now have a few additional tips of my own which you might like to use yourself or pass on:
- If your date meets you with the words ‘I’m not feeling great as I’ve had a migraine all day’ and doesn’t crack a smile when you congratulate them on getting in the excuses to leave early already, they either a) have had a very bad migraine and shouldn’t have come out or b) have no sense of humour.
- If someone quotes poetry at you within 10 minutes of meeting (especially the sort that doesn’t rhyme and is in fact just a string of random words with no discernable meaning), ‘that’s nice’ is apparently not a great response.
- If you find yourself having a slightly heated argument on whether a child needs to be brought up in a ‘traditional’ family setting, you may not be looking at the most relaxing evening.
- If you ask your date what he wants to be doing in 5 years time and he says’ exactly the same as I am now’, he may be lacking a little enthusiasm for…anything.
- If your date mentions that he ‘definitely wants children in the near future’ within the first hour of meeting…well, that’s just scary.
So, it wasn’t the best evening but I was really proud of myself for going. And you know how they say, when one door closes, another one opens? Well, you won’t believe what happened next! I’ll tell you about that next time. :o)