It’s been just over a month since I last wrote here, but it feels more like a year.  How else can so much have happened?

the big thing though, is this:  Mum has new digs.  She now lives in a care home.

I’ve been a bit nervous about writing this post as generally I feel like there is judgement over the topic…lots of people make it very clear that they do everything they can to keep their relative at home (we did, until we couldn’t), and there are very occasional comments (ironically, mostly from ‘supporting’ charities)  like ‘try not to feel like you have failed her’ which I am sure are meant kindly, but seem to imply failure (I absolutely don’t – quite the opposite.)

So let me be clear.  Most of me is not sad that Mum has moved into a home.  It is an amazing home.  If I could move in there I would too.  So would both my sisters.  She has company, she has activities every day, she has people tending to her every need, she has three course meals and she is safe. I am relieved.

The hardest bit of it all was the speed we had to move at from being offered a bed to get financials and admin sorted out, and  – most importantly – Mums assessment to see if after all the other hoops had been jumped through, she would actually be accepted. That was not a week I’d like to relive. (And I will write about some of the details in a future post as a few people have already asked how that all worked.)

Mum has friends already. She can’t remember their names and swears that she doesn’t know them when you ask, but  she sits next to them in the lounge and eats with them in the dining room and when they chat, she knows.  One of them held her had the other day when I asked if I could take a photo of them together. 💜

She has been there three weeks now and she’s baked, done arts and crafts, had an animal encounter session (where she held a giant African snail) , attended a couple of ‘concerts’,  a garden party with Pimms, and attended a birthday party, sat in the garden, sat in the coffee shop, had her hair cut at the on site hairdressers, danced and sung. It turns out she is a regular in the photos of activities on the homes facebook page.

A big part of the relief is that we have the space to look after Dad properly now.  And he can relax, not having to be Mum’s full time carer which was more than I think any of us realised.  Dad has been to visit Mum a couple of times and has seen that this was the right thing for her too.  I have asked if we could do a ‘buy one, get one free’ on the rooms so Dad can stay too, but apparently not….

And now we have just 4.5 days left of Mums 28 day trial period.  We are crossing fingers that we get through it without incident as one thing we did discover over the last month is that you’re kind of on your own when it comes to sorting all of this out, and that was quite scary. I think the odds are though, that we won’t have to go through that again and that Mum has found a new place to call home.

(And for anyone else reading this who is not there yet but knows the time might come one day, I can tell you that:

1. the build up is the worst part
2. if you’re doing it, it’s the right thing to do
3. the benefits for everyone are more than you realise at the time)

🙂