What do you do when you are just getting the hang of managing your Mum that you (lovingly) describe as ‘mad as a box of frogs’ to anyone asking how she is?  Well, you go to Tesco for a bit of trolly pushing excitement then take her to visit her sister.  Who has Alzheimer’s.

Mum took offence that I used Google Maps to get us there as ‘I know the way and it’s already told you the wrong thing’.  So, I asked mum to direct me.

Google lady: ‘Take the next left in 300 meters’

Mum: ‘Take the next left in….there THERE’ <much waving of arms>

She was cheating.  So I turned off the volume, telling her I’d turned it off completely.  Much waving of arms and pointing happened

Mum: ‘You go that way…. over there!’

Me: ‘Is that left or right, Mum?’

Mum: ‘Well I’d imagine it’s one of those, yes’ 😁

Thanks partly to Mum and a slightly bigger part to the Google lady we made it…

We sat in my Aunt’s house and talked about all sorts.  My Aunt goes to a group she seems to love and was telling Mum that someone from her class in school has just joined (…even more impressive when you consider that my aunt and this lady are both 84!) She and Mum then discussed where this lady had lived – the village and the actual house – when they were at school and how many brothers and sisters she had.  The detail was impressive.  My Aunt told me all about her group and how she didn’t want to go initially as it was ‘full of old people’ (also Mums argument when I suggest anything so daft to her), the sort of activities they do and the food they have.  Then she told me about having to renew her driving licence and what the process was for that.  I know nothing about driving licence renewal so asked some questions as it seemed a great opportunity to learn.  She answered them all without hesitation.  I was impressed.

My cousin arrived a little while later – we’d let our mums organise meeting up but had simultaneously checked in with each other to make sure they had both remembered the right details. I replayed everything we’d talked about, and my cousin gently told her mum that her driving license wasn’t up for renewal – it’s her blue badge they are having issues with getting reissued.

And suddenly the penny dropped:

People sometimes tell me that they’ve had a totally normal conversation with Mum – that she knew what she was talking about and made total sense.  And some days she can and does, especially if she doesn’t have to recall names or dates.  But what I realised is that when we don’t know the background of a story someone who is a bit confused is telling, we don’t know that they are confused.  They are telling us their truth – but not the truth.  And obviously we know now to go with it rather than correct the information, but in honesty I’ve found that tricky in the past when Mum is swearing black is white and white is black, but as my Sister has drummed into me I ‘smile and nod, smile and nod…’ 🤦🏼‍♀️

So, we didn’t do any cooking or dancing to Abba this week, but we got to do some visiting and Dad got a bit longer than usual to relax and get absorbed in his book.  Everyone enjoyed my chicken impression too – I feel like I may have missed a calling in life with the reception it had there and in Tesco.

There was a moment of drama when we got back and decided to have a coffee and one of the hot cross buns each that we’d bought in Tesco to discover that one had already been eaten (Mum and I had shared it on the way to my aunts) and a bit more when Mum struggled to remember how to cast off so we could tassel up her newest scarf.  But we resolved both issues and Mum proudly gave Dad his scarf to wear ‘even inside because it might help his breathing.’ 💜

And that was it for this Tuesday.  A different Tuesday, but a good one. 🙂