I’ve had an idea. We need badges!

And now I will take a couple of steps back and explain myself:

Some of the time I spend with Mum is funny and some is daft and some is enjoyable and some…well, some makes me feel that inserting pins into my eyeballs would be preferable.

Because Mum can be sweet and, funny and cute…and she can be obnoxious and mean and really, really difficult.  And I totally get that ‘it’s not her, it’s her illness’ (although actually some of it is her as she wasn’t all sweetness and light years back if we’re being honest here), but it still doesn’t negate the pin / eyeball thoughts.

So I already told you on Tuesday I got up at silly o’clock, left at 6am, drove 50 miles, did Mum and Dads shopping, washed mum, fought about the required number of pants for one person, took mum to a memory assessment, had the memory assessment cancelled, waited an hour (with Mum asking every few minutes why we were waiting and why we were there and did she know the doctor and why were we there and why were we still waiting), then drove 15 miles to have the assessment in another town, had quite a tricky time involving tears and anger, and drove 15 miles back. Next I (finally) set up internet banking for them after trying for a few weeks, then I then cooked with Mum to make dinner for her and Dad and a portion to bring home for Stepson 2 (he’s a meat eater, Mr R and I are not, so it saved cooking two meals when I got home), and then I popped Mum in the car again (I should have known she was tired at this point and left her at home, but I really wanted to give Dad a break) and we drove to their surgery to pick up their prescriptions that Dad had ordered a week ago.

Dad drinks Ensure drinks to keep his calorie intake up as when you have COPD it takes a lot of calories to do the whole breathing thing and he eats like a sparrow.  Only he’d been short of drinks for a while and had only been having one every other day so this prescription was important.  And when we got there, the drinks had not.

‘They’ll be in later – or at least the next few days’ the receptionist said.

Dad can’t leave the house at the moment because the cold air affects his breathing.  My sisters both work, the surgery shuts for the longest lunch break that anyone has had since the 90’s, so I thought I’d try to persuade them to drop the drinks off to Dad as someone on the staff their had to go in that direction to get home… I explained the situation. I thought I might be getting somewhere, and then Mum piped up:

‘Don’t be silly, I’ll come and get them tomorrow’ she said.

‘Oh great, that’s that sorted then’ said the receptionist.

‘Mum, Dad, can’t come out at the moment – it’s too cold for him.’ I said

‘I’ll come on my own then.’ said Mum brightly and coherently.

‘You can’t drive anymore’ I attempted

‘YES I CAN’ Mum hissed back.  ‘Anyway, I can walk’

‘It’s 5 miles Mum.  With a big heavy box of drinks that you can’t actually lift’

‘I. CAN. DO. THAT.’

The receptionist at this point had found some fascinating paperwork to busy herself with.

I suggested that Mum take a seat while the rest of the prescription was sorted out and as she walked away, I very unkindly did this:

(There were no pins to hand and I do value my sight)

And I watched the receptionist judge me so loudly I could almost hear it.  Because it had become clear  in the last part of the exchange that Mum was in a muddle and possibly couldn’t understand whether she could drive or not and she deserved all the sympathy and empathy that someone with dementia should get.

BUT Jesus Christ! The day had been long and I was frazzled. The previous week had been even longer with things that were not Mum shaped and so I had a moment.  Just one, but I imagined the receptionist thought I was probably a pretty rubbish daughter.

And THAT is why we need a badge.  Like the ‘Bump on board’ badge that gives people the opportunity to give up a seat in the train for the pregnant lady without worrying that they might just have had a big breakfast (yes, I’ve done that 🤦🏼‍♀️), Or the sunflower lanyard for people with all types of disability so that they can be given appropriate support.  We need a A ‘I’m a slightly frazzled carer’ badge that doesn’t entitle us to anything other than the understanding that we are doing our best, but there might be a bigger picture to consider than what is currently on show.

Give me a few weeks.  I’m going to make this a thing 😁