I can remember the number plate of the mini metro that was our first family car.  I can remember the address in America of my friend who moved their when we were 11 (including the zipcode) and I can remember all the lyrics to pretty much every track on the ‘Now that’s what I call Music’ double cassettes that were released in the 80’s.

What I cannot remember for love or money is either parents’ year of birth, their age, or their postcode.

And it turns out that when you start stepping into muddling through life with older parents you need these.  A lot.  You also need their:

• NHS number
• NI number
• GPs name
• GPs address
• GPs phone number

Increasingly you need their:

• Regular medications
• Bank details

And in my Dad’s case, physical access to their Tesco club card so you can get those points and club card deals… 😬

The first few times I needed information I stuck a post it note with their dates of birth on my kitchen whiteboard (no, I have no idea why I didn’t write it on their directly either), then I added another with the NHS numbers.  Then I realised if I ever wanted to write anything on there, I needed to do something else.

I’m old school, so around this point I created the ‘All the Mum and Dad stuff’ book where I made a note of these things as I needed them.  Someone less old school might want to pop the details in their phone (I’d advise against something like a computer that isn’t carried around with you, as it’s often at appointments that you seem to need this information).

I use the same book to write notes when we’ve had appointments at the hospice so I can pass on information to my sisters and so we can all remember what was said – the same with phone calls or anything official that I have needed to do.

And the next step (which has taken me a while to ask Dad to help with because its quite a tough one) is to ask him to start adding notes to it about their house – where the stop cocks are, the oil supplier, how to set the thermostat and heating, where the water meter is, how to know when the cesspit is full and what to do about it.  The sort of thing that he won’t be able to do forever and might not be either well enough to tell me, or maybe won’t be here.

My aunt died last year and she left The Red Book and The Yellow Book, which her husband had left for her – what to do in relation to XYZ when he wasn’t there to ask anymore.  Some of the info was useful to us in relation to probate, some was useful to the people who bought her house.  I imagine all of it was useful to her initially (although two books did seem a bit excessive to me!) …so that at the point when there are bigger things to deal with, you’re not trying to work out how to do the mundane life stuff that we take for granted.

So, The Black Book Muddle Life Tip:

1. Don’t wait until you need the information.
2. Don’t write down sensitive information like pin numbers unless it’s somewhere password protected (and if that is the case, make sure the person you want to access it had the password.)
3. Make a note of the following relating to your parents (or if you are very orgainsed and would like to be a really helpful parent, pull the information together in one place for your adult children way before they need to help you out):

• • • Date of birth
    • Age
    • Full address (including postcode)
    • Full name (that may sound straight forward, but spellings and use of middle names need to match official documents)
    • NHS number
    • NI number
    • GPs name
    • GPs address
    • GPs phone number
    • Regular medications
    • Bank details

4. And if things around the house are getting more tricky (or even if they are not yet) , it might be an idea to start making a note of things relating to those too.

🙂