Getting an appointment to see a doctor can be tricky for all of us, right?  But I had no idea that as people age they can be pushed ever so slightly to the side and then quietly ignored to the degree my parents seem to have been. At least, I assume that’s the reason.

It turns out Mum has not seen a GP since before her stroke in May 2021 (I only found that out while filling in a form for her at the end of last year).  Her oncology appointment to confirm she didn’t need more chemo was delayed by a YEAR – that happened a few weeks ago.  And Dad has COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) which is a progressive disease that causes breathing difficulties. He’s not seen a doctor since before Covid.

Problem:

I think it was prompted by my dawning realisation that the Power of Attorney (which I’ll talk about in another post) might take forever and a day to come through, and there could be a need to talk to the doctor about Mum or Dad before then.

(Note: I’d not found out at this point that neither of them had been seen for things they needed to be seen for – I just assumed that they didn’t tell us about GP appointments because they never had).

Action:

I contacted the surgery and was told they had a form that needed to be filled out and taken to the surgery.  It turned out that I wasn’t needed for the form; it’s for the patient to fill out, give details of who can contact the surgery on their behalf and sign. Dad did this for him and Mum and returned them as requested. I never expected him to agree to this quite yet, but it’s a good thing he did as…

Problem 2:

…I then discovered that due to their surgeries ‘care navigation’ my parents were only ever offered telephone appointments.  In theory that works, but my concern at this point was Dads breathing; it was at the stage where strangers were suggesting ambulances when he went out, so he ‘d clearly deteriorated a fair bit. On a telephone appointment he can breathe normally because he has been sitting and resting – an in person appointment would have demonstrated that a walk from the car outside could cause him significant problems….but he never got that far as a telephone appointment usually resulted in some sort of ‘solution’.

Essentially, it seems that when you get older, you get fobbed off.  But I had my form, so on the day Dad was really struggling and had been given a telephone appointment for TWO WEEKS time, I contacted the surgery and luckily enough got through to what turned out to be a lovely receptionist. Lovely receptionist confirmed that 1) Dad had to have a telephone appointment for the GP to assess whether he needed to be seen in person and 2) that they had lost the form dad had filled in so nobody could talk to me anyway.

Action 2:

To cut a long story short, being lovely, she moved the telephone appointment to later that day and I asked her to make a note for the GP that she needed to see Dad in person, and that I would be following up.  I followed up with bells on – again, a story for another day.  Dad got his in person appointment and he took down another signed form to authorise me talking to the doctor.

Now, the irony here is that I’ve not actually spoken to a doctor about either parent – yet.  But my follow up consisted of a very detailed email requesting specific actions, referencing various parts of the NHS website to back up my requests.  I could be wrong, but I suspect that might not have been actioned had the possibility not have existed that I would request an appointment to talk to the GP (which with the form now on record I do now have the authority to do).  As I understand it, without this form a GP can choose to listen to you but not comment on a patient’s health.

Muddled Life Tip:

So, my muddled life tip here is that if you have an older parent who you can see there might be a need to advocate for, or become involved in the care of in the near future, these are the steps to take:

• Have a conversation with your parents (or parents, have a conversation with your adult children)
• Contact their surgery and ask for their version of the consent form that allows you to discuss their care with a doctor to be emailed to you or your parents
• Complete the form and take it back
• Check a week or so later that it is actually on their record

And that you do this before you need to – you don’t need to use it until you need to use it 🙂

Resources:

NHS:  Can I speak to a GP about someone else’s health?